Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Monday, October 1, 2007

An Autumn Afternoon

The leaves are changing from deep green to various shades of red, orange and golden. Outside, the wind blows the acorns off the Oak trees, they meet the wooded deck with a loud crack. Our gray-muzzled dog is sprawled out in the sun-filled patch of grass.

My five year old is at school-her first full week of kindergarten. My two year old is taking her nap. There is a chill in the house. My hands and feet have lost their heat and are craving warmth. I do not have a hot cup of chamomile beside me or a full bowl of homemade chicken soup, but that is what I think of now as I type these words. I look out the window and notice the way the sunlight hits the hundreds of oak leaves, the way the wind plays with branches. An occasional leaf lets go and dances through the air for a few seconds before it takes its place on the ground. The Oak trees stand tall, so deeply rooted and sure of themselves, questioning nothing, comparing themselves to no one. I envy their ability to let go of old leaves, stand naked for a while and so gracefully grow new ones.

My heart longs for something I can't put my finger on. My breath is shallow, my chest heavy. What is this weight I carry? I too want to shed old leaves, let them drop and dance and find a new home so I can stand rooted and naked, complete and full. Wanting nothing. Being, simply, all of who I am.

3 comments :

  1. Beautiful, Julia. I see you there, bare and quiet, an inside-tree!

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  2. If my life were the center of the world and nobody did anything other than for me, I would believe that you were an angel looking out for me, writing, if for no other reason than to inspire me and to help me along my path. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. The Zen of history is to soak it up, to integrate it so that we just are, full of history and present in the moment - like the tree.

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia