Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Friday, January 23, 2009

Morning Rambling

I'm sitting here listening to my favorite Dido song, sipping coffee (with just the perfect amount of cream and sugar) out of my new tree mug. Outside, the clouds have covered the sun that was so brightly shining this morning. I look out to moss covered oak trees and a now white sky and watch branches move just a little with the breeze. I'm comfortable and grateful to be here inside, sheltered from the morning chill.

It's been a long time since I've written anything. That seems to be the pattern these days, write a little and then take a long while off. The truth is, I haven't felt like writing. I really haven't felt as though I have anything to say and I'm tired of writing about the same old stuff. So, for the most part, I have let it go for a while. I've mostly been okay with my lack of writing, deciding that a break from something that has been so consuming is probably a good thing. But in other moments I get a little panicky, thinking that I may never get the urge or inspiration back--wondering if it was just a fleeting obsession (even though writing has always been a significant part of my life). But here I am now, filling this white space with my words.

Both of my girls are at school this morning so the house is quiet. It feels good to have some space to breathe and sip coffee without interruption, to be in my own house and move to my own rhythm.

One of the things I'm struggling with these days is how exactly to fill my time when they're in school. Not because I don't have things to do, there are always dozens of things to do, but what precisely I want to do and in what order. Like, for example, this morning I was planning to go on a run but then decided to postpone until it warmed up a bit. But now I'm sitting here thinking I should have done my run earlier because it's too tempting to just settle into this warm and quiet space. I'm thinking curling up next to the fireplace with a book sounds pretty good. I'm not complaining, I know this time is a gift. I've been a stay-at-home mom for over six years now and I'm definitely savoring these quiet moments. I realize, though, that it's not so much about what I'm doing but about fully being in the moment, being mindful with whatever it is that I choose. So, for now, I choose to write.

And now I choose to go settle in on the couch with that cozy, soft pink blanket my older daughter got for Christmas. Maybe that run will happen, maybe it won't--I'll let that decision come from a place of mindfulness not from a place of shoulds or shouldn'ts. Ah, the power of choice.

1 comment :

  1. I know how you feel. Writing is far away from me right now. But, I know it always comes back.


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♥ Julia