Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

One Step After Another

So, this is what you do.

You take one small step, then another, then another. You don't pause to question how reasonable it is (maybe how legal but not how reasonable), you don't ask if you really have talent. You don't stop too soon. You don't compare yourself to them. You just step and then step again. You acknowledge the inner critics, the ones that whisper and scream and push and tug. You give them a nod of recognition and then you take another step, write another word, sing another song, paint another picture, strum another chord.

This is what I'm discovering. I'll tell you, it's been a long time coming. How long have I known, from deep down in my belly, that I need to create? That I need to do and be and discover and live, not hesitantly and apologetically, but boldly and freely. Ahhh. deep sighs. for so so long I've known this but I've hesitated. I've stopped to compare. again and again. I've stopped too soon. i've stopped believing in the process.

But then I picked up a paint brush and started mixing colors. Beautiful colors. Every shade of blue--light and dark, mixed with white, mixed with yellow and green. light pinks, dark pinks and every shade in between. beautiful pale yellows and deep, autumn tones. And here's the thing, I'm giddy over it all. I feel like a kid again. maybe more like a kid than I did as a kid. I feel playful and light. It feels like with each little thing I create, each splash of color, I'm opening a little bit more. I'm trusting a little bit more. i'm believing a little bit more. It feels good. It feels like exactly what I've needed but, for some reason, was afraid of.

How is it that we resist and keep resisting what we most need, what would lift our spirits and wake our sleepy selves up? i don't understand this. i just know most of us do it. God, if I can get this, if i can start trusting and start doing, we all can. Each and every one of us can create beautiful things, whether it's pretty pictures, or beautiful stories, or lovely songs and notes, or a warm quilt to curl up with. or maybe a beautiful friendship. we can.

Soon I'll post some of my little creations. I need to figure out the whole scanner thing (my husband will help). Until then, I will keep mixing, and dipping and brushing and smiling.

One small step, then another, then another...that's all it takes.

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♥ Julia