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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Messy Me

“We must create what we most need to find.” Author unknown

I'm missing this blog. It's been a while since I've written here--the truth is I haven't felt like I have anything to say. I think it would be more truthful to say I don't know where to begin with all that's going on in my head and in my life. It feels overwhelming to think of putting it all down in a coherent sort-of-way. Where to begin? Where to focus?

That's been a big issue for me lately. focus. or lack of, really. Actually, this not just a lately thing. I've always struggled when it comes to focusing. My thoughts are swirling around at such a pace, touching upon so very many things, I just don't know where to put my attention. Writing has always been very challenging for me for this reason-- feeling like I need to exclude so much in order to make myself clear and understandable, in order to not sound like a babbling crazy person.

But as I write this, I think this is a huge part of my stuckness. I think I've tried too hard to contain all this (this being all that is making its way inside my head and in my world). Maybe what I really need is to allow myself to be a babbling crazy person, stop trying to be the one who can present herself in a neat little box when, really, the box is bursting out all over the place.

There is no neatness here. All I need to do is tell the truth. The truth is often everything but "neat." It's so easy for me to convey this message to others, maybe it's time to start benefiting from my own inner wisdom--the wisdom we all have inside of us and can access if we're brave enough to slow down for a moment.

Just writing this has already turned me in a downstream direction but only because I'm fully allowing myself to be as random and all-over-the-place as I feel. And now I think I'll go to bed--no fancy ending, no tying things up neatly. Just sleep.

1 comment :

  1. Didn't seem messy to me. Maybe there is something about the truth, the clarity that is brings spiraling beautifully right through the chaos.


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♥ Julia