Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Friday, January 30, 2009

25 Random Things About Me

1) My first child (Marielle), who is now six, was conceived in Thailand
2) I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming in November of '93 thinking I would stay for a winter and ended up being there for four years...it was a very carefree way to live for a while, (skiing, hiking, climbing, socializing, traveling, and a little working).
3) I was born in Stuttgart, Germany (an army brat).
4) I have a strong desire to create and connect with people on a deep, spiritual level
5) When I was five my family moved to Fort Sill, Oklahoma where there were intense heat waves, tarantulas in our burnt yellow grass, and constant tornado warnings.
6) I love big storms. I love the way heavy rain, wind, thunder and lightening make people stop what they're doing and pay attention
7) I've skydived and bungee jumped and found them both absolutely thrilling
8) I went through a huge rock-climbing phase (when I lived in Jackson Hole)...I absolutely loved it and miss it.
9) I love curling up on the couch and reading to my two little girls--one on each arm. Total sweetness.
10) I was in labor with my oldest daughter for 28 long hours (my poor, sweet husband)
11) I love deep conversations and can probably outlast anyone when it comes to pondering and questioning
12) I have a very keen sense of smell. I love the smell of freshly cut grass, campfires, baking bread, the Pacific Northwest forests, vanilla candles, babies, garlic and lilacs
13) I've lived in three different countries, seven states and (as far as I can count) have had twenty different addresses
14) I love to read and have been quite obsessed with it lately...and I can't seem to stop buying books
15) I've been writing poetry since I was a little girl
16) I love spending time by myself in nature...the forest, mountain meadows, near water...
17) For the first time in my life, I have no desire to move anywhere else. I love the town we live in now (lots of hiking/biking, a college town, great schools, lots of families with little ones)
18) I descended the middle Teton (over 12,000 feet) in an intense lightening storm
19) In 2003 I did something I never thought I could or would do; I ran my first ever (and maybe last) marathon
20) I love hearing people's stories, their journey from there to here
21) I have very few secrets, I don't usually have a problem spilling it all
22) I love people who are open and real and don't try to sugar-coat things
23) I have a thing for mugs, typically pottery is my favorite. I so enjoy a good cup of coffee or tea out of a favorite, feels-good-in-your-hand mug
24) I love to write but have taken a leave of absence (with hope that I'll be re-inspired soon). My favorite place to write is Taos, New Mexico--there is something seriously spiritual going on there.
25) I've never been real interested in politics until Barack Obama came along--I'm finally paying attention--what an inspiration he is.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Morning Rambling

I'm sitting here listening to my favorite Dido song, sipping coffee (with just the perfect amount of cream and sugar) out of my new tree mug. Outside, the clouds have covered the sun that was so brightly shining this morning. I look out to moss covered oak trees and a now white sky and watch branches move just a little with the breeze. I'm comfortable and grateful to be here inside, sheltered from the morning chill.

It's been a long time since I've written anything. That seems to be the pattern these days, write a little and then take a long while off. The truth is, I haven't felt like writing. I really haven't felt as though I have anything to say and I'm tired of writing about the same old stuff. So, for the most part, I have let it go for a while. I've mostly been okay with my lack of writing, deciding that a break from something that has been so consuming is probably a good thing. But in other moments I get a little panicky, thinking that I may never get the urge or inspiration back--wondering if it was just a fleeting obsession (even though writing has always been a significant part of my life). But here I am now, filling this white space with my words.

Both of my girls are at school this morning so the house is quiet. It feels good to have some space to breathe and sip coffee without interruption, to be in my own house and move to my own rhythm.

One of the things I'm struggling with these days is how exactly to fill my time when they're in school. Not because I don't have things to do, there are always dozens of things to do, but what precisely I want to do and in what order. Like, for example, this morning I was planning to go on a run but then decided to postpone until it warmed up a bit. But now I'm sitting here thinking I should have done my run earlier because it's too tempting to just settle into this warm and quiet space. I'm thinking curling up next to the fireplace with a book sounds pretty good. I'm not complaining, I know this time is a gift. I've been a stay-at-home mom for over six years now and I'm definitely savoring these quiet moments. I realize, though, that it's not so much about what I'm doing but about fully being in the moment, being mindful with whatever it is that I choose. So, for now, I choose to write.

And now I choose to go settle in on the couch with that cozy, soft pink blanket my older daughter got for Christmas. Maybe that run will happen, maybe it won't--I'll let that decision come from a place of mindfulness not from a place of shoulds or shouldn'ts. Ah, the power of choice.