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Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ah-Ha Moment

Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day.
-E.B. White

Tuesday evening, while in a Sedona Method releasing/meditation class, I had a huge "ah-ha" moment.  You know, one of those moments of clarity that don't necessarily come around that often and are such a beautiful, welcomed thing when they do.  It felt like a breakthrough, a shift in thinking.  Like something that had been stuck for far too long, detached itself and broke free. And in its place was softness and openness and clarity. 

I realized how very attached I have been to this idea of "doing good in this world."  Attached in a gripping, suffering, clinging kind-of-way.  A fearful, oh no what if it doesn't happen, kind-of-way. 

Sometime in my teen years, my dad asked my what my greatest fear was.  I remember the moment so clearly; we were downstairs, in the basement of their old house.  I remember how dark and intense his eyes were, how my heart sped up, feeling the importance of the question and wanting to answer it as truthfully as I knew how to.  I stopped for a moment and really thought about what he had asked and then, my answer; 

I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and feeling like I didn't live my life's purpose, like I didn't make a positive difference in this world. 

And his response;

Be careful not to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

wow. 

So, here I've been, running after, fumbling around, thinking i needed to chase this dream down and tackle the hell out of it. 

What I really got Tuesday evening, is that I can care deeply for something, as I do about my desire to do good in this world.  I can recognize how passionate I am about fulfilling my soul's purpose and I can take steps toward, not making it happen but allowing it to happen.  Not in some passive, do nothing kind-of-way, but in an open, receptive, flowing, leaning toward, baby stepping, trusting kind-of-way. 

This can be soft and sweet.  It can be done with EASE and flow and openness and love.  And peace.  And trust, always with Trust.

5 comments :

  1. "Leaning toward baby stepping trusting sort of way"
    I just love that! It's gentle, humbling and true. Thank you for helping me engage this softened luscious "leaning."
    Shelley

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  2. WONDERFUL!! And what an amazing dad.

    I got this exact ah-ha moment about 8 years ago I think. My Shadow of Impatience (as I call it) was telling me - quick, quick, you're running out of time.
    Also, I realised that making a difference in the world didn't have to be this big flashy achievement. Small, subtle, dents, are meaningful. Even if I can't translate them to a eulogy, lol, they HAVE made a difference.

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  3. Julia,
    What a wonderful moment. I'm afraid of being boring, of not leaving this place better for my being here. I can get way too caught up in trying to help others also...I'm learning after 40 that through learning how to find beauty in my every day, I am making it a better place! Does that make sense? ha!
    Thanks for visiting my blog and your lovely comments. You always make me smile.
    Hugs,
    Kelly

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  4. Loving this, my dear friend! Dad asked this and responded this way in your teen years?

    hmmm...grateful for your ah-ha moment :)

    Here's to keeping the flow with ease and trust.

    xox

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  5. This is where I want to always keep coming back to. Thanks for the reminder this morning.

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia