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Thursday, January 7, 2010

Ah-Ha Moment

Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day.
-E.B. White

Tuesday evening, while in a Sedona Method releasing/meditation class, I had a huge "ah-ha" moment.  You know, one of those moments of clarity that don't necessarily come around that often and are such a beautiful, welcomed thing when they do.  It felt like a breakthrough, a shift in thinking.  Like something that had been stuck for far too long, detached itself and broke free. And in its place was softness and openness and clarity. 

I realized how very attached I have been to this idea of "doing good in this world."  Attached in a gripping, suffering, clinging kind-of-way.  A fearful, oh no what if it doesn't happen, kind-of-way. 

Sometime in my teen years, my dad asked my what my greatest fear was.  I remember the moment so clearly; we were downstairs, in the basement of their old house.  I remember how dark and intense his eyes were, how my heart sped up, feeling the importance of the question and wanting to answer it as truthfully as I knew how to.  I stopped for a moment and really thought about what he had asked and then, my answer; 

I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and feeling like I didn't live my life's purpose, like I didn't make a positive difference in this world. 

And his response;

Be careful not to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. 


So, here I've been, running after, fumbling around, thinking i needed to chase this dream down and tackle the hell out of it. 

What I really got Tuesday evening, is that I can care deeply for something, as I do about my desire to do good in this world.  I can recognize how passionate I am about fulfilling my soul's purpose and I can take steps toward, not making it happen but allowing it to happen.  Not in some passive, do nothing kind-of-way, but in an open, receptive, flowing, leaning toward, baby stepping, trusting kind-of-way. 

This can be soft and sweet.  It can be done with EASE and flow and openness and love.  And peace.  And trust, always with Trust.


  1. "Leaning toward baby stepping trusting sort of way"
    I just love that! It's gentle, humbling and true. Thank you for helping me engage this softened luscious "leaning."

  2. WONDERFUL!! And what an amazing dad.

    I got this exact ah-ha moment about 8 years ago I think. My Shadow of Impatience (as I call it) was telling me - quick, quick, you're running out of time.
    Also, I realised that making a difference in the world didn't have to be this big flashy achievement. Small, subtle, dents, are meaningful. Even if I can't translate them to a eulogy, lol, they HAVE made a difference.

  3. Julia,
    What a wonderful moment. I'm afraid of being boring, of not leaving this place better for my being here. I can get way too caught up in trying to help others also...I'm learning after 40 that through learning how to find beauty in my every day, I am making it a better place! Does that make sense? ha!
    Thanks for visiting my blog and your lovely comments. You always make me smile.

  4. Loving this, my dear friend! Dad asked this and responded this way in your teen years?

    hmmm...grateful for your ah-ha moment :)

    Here's to keeping the flow with ease and trust.


  5. This is where I want to always keep coming back to. Thanks for the reminder this morning.


What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia