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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Friday, June 18, 2010

fearLESS Friday!

Week 3

While everything in your soul wants to trust the Voice of Love, you may still experience resistance. It's hard to let go of the training of the world. Most of us will do it gradually over time. But here's something to consider. It is more productive to trust love than to trust fear. Love strengthens you. It is not a soothing, "sissy" voice. It's a voice that helps you to access all that you are meant to be.     Tama Keives





I'm getting in tune with myself.  In other words, i'm calling myself on my own shit.  

I'm realizing that i've been resisting.  Resisting painting.  Resisting writing.  Resisting doing the things that nurture my body, my spirit.

Rather than nudging myself to just show up anyway, i've used all kinds of excuses:  not enough time, my kids are sick, i'm taking a break, i'm focusing on "this" right now, etc...

I've made excuses & more excuses for not showing up. 

It's funny.  In the beginning...when i started painting, it was such a RELEASE.  Such an explosion of allowing, of play, of fun, of just showing up and letting something--whatever--come through.

I painted in the morning, i painted in the afternoon (in the midst of mommy request after mommy request).   i painted late into the evening & in the middle of the night.  I couldn't get enough.

I had no expectations.

Maybe i should say that one more time.  I had no expectations. 

I was just doing.  And enjoying.  And loving every minute of it.  It was about expressing something that had wanted to be expressed for years, decades even.  It was like the floodgates had broken free & something inside me had burst wide open, finally.  And i could just fly.

It was the freest i had ever felt.  Really---ever.

And then i started to sell.  And i attended a class.  And i compared.  And i wondered.  And i worried about being good enough.  And i doubted.  And i got a little lost.  And i forgot.

But i'm remembering again. 

So, my fearLESS Friday is all about remembering & showing up anyway.  Like i did this week.

I cleared my work space.  I took out the brushes.  The dried up paint.  The canvas. 

I watched my fears, with amazement & curiosity,  rise to the surface, like piranhas just waiting to pounce on their prey.  yikes.  Seriously, though-it's amazing how ferocious the mind can be.  But i showed up and i dipped my brush in one color, then another. 

And it felt good--so so good. 

And i'm so glad i'm doing this fearLESS Friday thing.  Otherwise there would have been excuses--and they would have felt so very justified & legitimate.  The brushes would have stayed put, the blank canvas would still be blank.

But instead i broke through all that mind resistance and just showed up, even with all those fiercely persistent, big fanged monkeys on my back.  I think next time they show up i'll pet them gently and ask them if they want to dance.

And you? 

Have you stepped through any fears this week?  I'd really love to know all about it.


Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.  
~Rumi

6 comments :

  1. yes.."no expectations". that is freedom, but we can show up, and be okay with the fumbling - because it all matters.

    My fear stepping this week: I told my dad and brother something sad and significant about my relationship to my mother, something that is greatly impeding my ability to care for her right now in her sickness. I took a big chance, and I fell - but being the fearless one (!!!), I made the choice to let it go, and fly on, not needing their understanding.

    peace and passion to you!

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  2. Now I've got Duran Duran stuck in my head... No. No. Notorius...

    And I do have something fearless planned for today: A long-overdue conversation about something unpleasant. :/

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  3. you've inspired to pick up my artist's hat and put it on--start exploring my creative side. I've wondered if was lame. I want to let 'er rip. Here it goes... Hoping there will be lots to check in about!

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  4. Man Julia. What a powerful post. I do that too- make excuses. Cleaning is my favorite one to do. I have about 50 charms, tiles and small bowls that have been dried for months waiting to be glazed and fired. I have been frozen. Reading this post made me realize that. Thanks for inspiring me to show up.

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  5. Hi Julia,

    Nige has been encouraging me to read your blog... and I'm so pleased I've taken a few minutes this evening to do just that.

    This week, I've stopped making excuses and have written two poems, have journalled, have blogged, and I feel so much clearer and so much more ME. I'm landing in my skin again, and it feels really good.

    So great to read about your process. Look forward to reading more.

    Elloa x

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  6. sad but true - I join you in the excuses arena, running in circles, around and around I go. Latest excuses are that I'm moving soon, I'm overwhelmed with Kelly Rae's e-course, I'm working part-time, I'm tired, I have to mow and weed, I'm really, really overwhelmed with Kelly Rae's e-course!!!!

    Want to meet sometime at New Morning Bakery??? After you're back from vacation? So that's my fearLESSness because it IS Friday after all.

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia