Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Friday, July 2, 2010

fearLESS Friday! Week 4

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"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to the whisper which is heard by him alone."                   
~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Art & coloring by Marielle (my eight-year-old)

I made a very important decision a few days ago.  Maybe i should say my heart made a very important decision a few days ago.  My mind was twisting and turning and tossing me all over the place, doing its best to make it difficult.  Minds love to do that.

I'm all too familiar with the mind's tactics, though, and typically know enough not to listen to all its rambling and fear-based thinking.  I know when all those fraidy cat voices begin to throw their bad advice at me, it's time to get quiet and listen.  The time i spent with the river on Monday allowed me to more clearly hear the whisperings of my heart. 

Here's the situation...several months ago i applied for a 3rd/4th grade teaching position at a private school here in town.  It felt energizing to dust off the old resume and turn my attention back to teaching.  Plus, i thought, it would be great to have a second income again and benefits and more structure in my days.  And, i reasoned, i could apply my art/creativity/love for writing in the classroom...

So, i turned in the resume/cover letter/letters of reference and said many many prayers, asking for guidance. 

I knew i would have several months before they would contact me about the position so there would be no immediate pressure.  I decided i would not make this decision with my mind.  I would let it go, turn it over, stay open and see where i was led. 

Toward teaching elementary school.

Or toward paving my way with my art/creativity/teaching--outside of the classroom, in my own unique way. 

So, over these last many months, i've set it free, knowing my heart would know if i just got out of the way and stayed open to guidance.

And here's the thing...every time, over the last few months, i opened my mouth to talk to someone about these choices, i listened to myself.  I've noticed how my heart quickens and opens when i speak about my art and when i speak about helping others break out of their comfort zones and step into their power.  I paid extra close attention to what my heart was saying, and this is what it had to say....the only way you will ever truly feel safe and secure is if you follow your own path, trust that if you listen to your heart you will be led, you don't need to know all the hows-that's not your business, just keep stepping in the direction of your inspiration.

Last week i received an email from the director of the school asking me if i was wanting to move forward with the interview process.  I immediately panicked and started second-guessing all that my heart had been saying.  I immediately heard all those "realistic," diminishing voices, this is what they said: 

You're crazy to pass up such an opportunity, you're crazy to think you can make it work with your art, what's your plan anyway?   Are you just going to dream your whole life away?  You're being selfish.  When are you really going to do something with your life?   And on they went. 

And suddenly the decision didn't seem so easy anymore.

But here's the thing.  After a conversation with the river and my wise, dear friend, I knew.  And i went home and sent the director a very nice thank you but no thank you email. 

And then i breathed a big, huge, freeing sigh of relief. 

And i noticed that i felt a little giddy and empowered and lighter.  And less afraid.



Art & coloring by Lily (my five-year-old)


I have no idea what comes next but i'm certain that if i continue to listen to my heart, it will lead me away from fear and toward love.  Away from other people's ideas of what's best or practical, away from old worn out beliefs that want to keep me still and small. 

And into the comfortable, secure lap of my own unique whisperings.

I really can't do it any other way.  And i'm so grateful for that.

How about you?  Have you made any big decisions lately?  Or little ones?  What has your heart been saying?  Are you listening?  I'd love to hear from you.

6 comments :

  1. Beautiful post! I can't wait to see where your fearless heart leads you! Thank you for your inspiration and for making this process feel more real than anything else!

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  2. This was so inspirational. I find it difficult to listen to my heart!

    Your five-year-old is quite the artist, isn't she?

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  3. Hi, I'm visiting from Flying Lessons. This is such a wonderful idea and a beautiful post! I wanted to share mine with you. I wish it were FearLESS.
    http://memorableminutes.blogspot.com/2010/07/follow-through.html

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  4. this is so very inspiring julia. i think you've gone beyond the fearless route, and chosen to acknowledge the fears....and then quieted them so that you can hear your brave heart speaking! {exhilarated clapping}

    i've had a similar experience. it has always been assumed by most of my former co-workers that i would eventually return. i've kept that door open in many ways, but in the past month, in spite of the MANY reasons why i should continue....i've been clear that i will not return. it feels so good every time i say it out loud. like a jump in the river. :)

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  5. A wonderful post... I think it speaks to many of us "flyers"...

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  6. I felt fearFUL all week. I have 3 siblings with drug/alcohol problems who are a constant worry and drain on my emotional energy. I often feel very unsupported and alone with my worries for them. This last week has been especially traumatic. But yesterday I remembered to be fearLESS. I let go of the worry for a day, had a glorious walk in the sunshine with my dog and reminded myself that I have a life too and a right to peace and I am powerless to control my siblings' lives. What will be will be. I need to do this now every day...it is the only way forward for me. Thank you Julia. xx

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia