Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Monday, October 4, 2010

me


I keep seeing these great "Authentically Me" lists all over blog land, like, here & here.  Decided it was my turn.


1)  I get teary-eyed over just about anything; when i'm really happy, when i'm the slightest bit sad, when someone says something profound, when i see others happy or sad, when i hear a moving story, when i hear soulful music...
2)  I love to think deeply & talk deeply.  It's what inspires me & keeps me feeling alive.
3)  I love quiet.  I have a really hard time when things get too loud (which can be a problem with two little ones around).  When it's loud, i crave quiet.  When it's quiet, I savor every second.
4)  Being in nature fills me up.  I love smelling the smells, feeling the air, listening to the nature sounds, feeling the ground beneath me.  If i'm feeling drained, it's the quickest way for me to fill back up.
5)  I've written poetry since i was a young girl.
6)  I feel things so deeply that sometimes i think my body can't possibly contain it all.
7)  More than anything i want to do good in this world.  I want to inspire others to live their best lives.  This is something i've always known but haven't always known how i can best do this (which has often been a great source of pain & frustration for me).  But i feel myself getting closer & closer...
8)  I am an army brat.  I think moving around a lot as a child had a huge influence on who i am.  I was forced to let go of old friends & make new ones--this made me very adaptable.  I think it also helps me to not get so attached to things/people, although sometimes this may get in the way of intimacy.  Hmm...
9) I am so not a detail person.  I used to think this was a not-so-good thing but i'm realizing that it's because i just don't care so much about details (names, dates, etc..).  For me it's all about emotions/feelings--bigger picture stuff. 
10) I'm not very patient.  It's hard for me to wait for things.  I want it now.  This is something i'm really working on--trying to trust that things happen exactly when they should happen.
11) I have a thing with 1's...i see them all the time.  I always look at the clock when it's 1:11, 11:11, whenever 11...whenever i see these 1's, i think of them as little angels speaking to me, reminding me of the oneness of all things/divinity/love/source...they remind me to step out of my mind & get present.
12) I swear a lot (i keep reading this on other blogger's lists, apparently bloggers like to swear).  It feels like a nice & necessary release to just let the words out.
13) I love to have a good time.  I like to laugh and can get super goofy in a very random kind of way.  I used to do this more when i was younger.  My little sister was quite entertained when i'd break into song or into some funky dance move in the middle of wherever...i loved cracking her up.  Another great way to release emotion...
14) I love massages...if i could get one every single day of my life, i would.
15) I'm much more of a night person than a morning person.  I can be quite a grump when i first wake up.
16) I love cuddling up with my little ones, one nestled in each arm--it's just the sweetest, warmest thing to hold them both at once.
17) When it comes to clothing & shoes, comfort has always been the most important thing to me.  I just really like to be comfortable.
18) I have a hard time making decisions, especially silly little decisions (like, what to eat, what to do next, what to focus on).  This has caused me a ridiculous amount of anxiety over the years.  I do better with fewer choices.  I am a gifted procrastinator.
19) I'm so wide open to everything, it's hard to focus.  My tendency is to jump from one thing to the next very quickly.  The anxiety comes when i feel like i should focus.  I'm learning more and more to just let me be.
20) When i was little, i lived in Oklahoma where we had a ton of tornado watches/warnings and sometimes the real thing...they forced everyone to stop what they were doing & pay attention, all of us at once paying attention to the same thing.  And we got to huddle in the hallway together & light candles.  I loved those times.
21)  A few more things that I just love...

Pottery mugs, the smell of fresh cut grass & baking bread,  rock climbing, traveling, writing, wondering & wandering, painting, reading, silliness, parties, seeing people living their dreams, seeing & being seen, the beginning of seasons, hikes, little girl giggles, holding babies, singing, open spaces, the ocean, storms, wildflowers, Taos, New Mexico, the wilderness, changing weather, feeling fit, twizzlers & tootsie rolls & milk duds, farmers markets, yoga (though i rarely get my butt doing it), coffee in the morning, warm soft blankets, people who are open &amdp; real & warm & express themselves freely, sitting by campfires, family time (when we're all getting along), homemade soup, glasses of wine & mugs of beer, coffee & tea, hot fudge sundaes, the smell of autumn, spontaneity, the feeling i get when my husband and i are really present with each other.  Connections.

8 comments :

  1. wasnt this so amazing. i am still having so much fun with my list. it is so liberating to really search within to find the things that truly make us who we are.
    i get teary eyed so often, i am glad to hear i am not alone. feeling fit, farmers markets and morning coffee, ahhhh the little things that are so wonderful in life.

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  2. Ahhh, Julia, this was so beautiful. I loved reading the list and feel so lucky that I get to know and see all of this in action in person. You are a precious being and I am so thankful how you've opened up my love for many things, two of which are huge for me, my love of nature and my lightening up to laugh a lot and to be silly with you! Thank you for being you and sharing it here.

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  3. omigod - I think you wrote this list about me! Except maybe the poetry thing. I am not a good poet.
    I feel things so deeply and I cry and cuss and love it all! I go crazy if things get too loud and I must get away from all that noise!! And I'm silly too - I get the worst case of giggles late at night when I'm really tired. I just can't stop giggling...
    I loved your list so much. thank you for sharing. These lists give so much on the person behind the blog. Again, thank you!

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  4. a milk dud
    shared w/you
    in the quiet.
    big love
    to all you are.
    xoxox

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  5. loved it!

    besides #s 8, 10, 11 (although my 'lucky' number is 11!), 12, 18, and 20, this could be MY list!
    especially those first three.

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  6. Oh I am swooning swooning swooning! I have SO much more to say. I feel like you are my bff after reading this, lol! I have to leave right now but will leave another comment :)

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  7. Okay, 1,2,3,4, 6(so much), 7(so much), I was going to go through all of them, but you get it, this is why I love you so much. I love coming over here and soaking up a little bit of you and all your wonderfulness. We are two peas in a pod for sure. Can you imagine how hard we would laugh and curse and cry if we were sitting together with glasses of wine! I hope you have a lovely weekend with your family Julia :)

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  8. we have a lot in common! I wrote some really sweet, long replies to your posts when I was at my parents' house...but I see that their dinosaur of a computer ate them right up! Well....love to you!

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia