Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. Rumi

love

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Am Enough



I have discovered a treasure that i have to share.  (Thanks once again to Kelly Rae Robert's amazing "Flying Lessons" class.) 

It's a collaborative site called "I Am Enough," & is just the most touching, inspiring thing ever.  Women exposing their beautiful, tender vulnerabilities, women telling the truth-even when those truths may not be viewed as pretty.  I so admire their bravery & courage.

There is so much expansion that comes when we tell the truth/connect/come together/expose/share & accept one another fully-just as we are.  Knowing that we are already enough, even before this or that.  We don't have to wait-- until...we really can step right into our peace, into our power, into our enoughness in this very moment. 

I've read just about every one of these beautiful stories...they've made me cry, given me goosebumps.  Their words so resonate.  They sound so much like me.  Same questions/ insecurities/self-doubts/anxieties/fear of failure/need for approval. 

This is what happens when we tell the truth--others see themselves in us & feel less alone, less like hiding, less separate, more connected.  More like being brave. 

In embracing these women & their stories, i embrace more of my perfectly imperfect, perfectly flawed self.

All day today, after reading these stories, i've watched myself closely.  I've been more aware of how often i criticize myself--telling myself i should be doing more.  Or that what i've done or am doing isn't good enough.  And i've paid extra close attention to how yucky it feels when i berate myself in these ways.  I've noticed how loud that critical, you're-not-enough-voice can be & how persistent. 

But through these brave women & all their truth telling, i have gathered strength to say the words, and will continue to say them until they fully penetrate, I am enough.  

And so are you, beautiful one.

Our Trip



Cuteness


Miniature Camp Friend


Gorgeous Scenery









A little fishin'


Sister Silliness

Long car rides.  Fighting little girls.  Gorgeous scenery.  Silliness.  Miniature camp friends.  Campfires.  Roasted marshmallows.  Fresh air.  Family time.

It was a good trip.





Monday, June 28, 2010

River Voice

We're back from our camping/road/wedding trip! And i'm feeling slightly overwhelmed & scattered.  The kids are out of school for the summer, which means new schedules & very little time to do all that i want/need to do.  I'm sure i'll find a rhythm here somewhere but for now i'm being tossed all over the place.

Here are a few of the many things on my "to do" list:  (Not necessarily in this order)

1)  Unpack   
2)  Do excessive amounts of laundry
3)  Respond to emails 
4)  Catch up on the online class i'm taking with Kelly Rae Roberts that has been amazing in so many ways but has my head spinning with the abundance of info./ possibilities that have been presented.
5)  Vacuum the house
6)  Dust the house 
7)  Call carpet people  (it's been way too long since our carpets have been cleaned).  
8)  Book reservation home to Vermont for my sister's wedding in September.  Order shoes/dress.
9)  Make a very important decision
10) Catch up with friends & family
11) Buy groceries (Our refrigerator is pathetically empty.)
12) Write on blog
13) Make pendants
14) Paint
15) Spend quality time with kids
16) Exercise
17) Lose ten pounds


I had a three hour window of time this afternoon while my girls were at their summer camp, and, although there were many persistent voices barking out orders to "get something done," there was another one (that i had to slow way down to hear) that told me to go sit by the river instead.

I'm happy to say the river voice won & i spent the full three hours reading/watching the moving water/taking deep breaths/feeling the sunshine & wind. 

So even though i didn't check a single thing off my list, i feel a little saner, a little less scattered--a little more in tune with me.  And the barking has quieted down and the to do list seems less urgent & i am clearer on this very important decision i need to make...more on that later. 

Thank you river voice.

It's good to be back.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

How to Paint A Donkey

by Naomi Shihab Nye

She said the head was too large,
the hooves too small.

I could clean my paintbrush
but I couldn’t get rid of that voice.

While they watched,
I crumpled him,

let his blue body
stain my hand,

I cried when he hit the can.
She smiled. I could try again.

Maybe this is what I unfold in the dark,
deciding for the rest of my life,

that donkey was just the right size.

I posted the above poem (along with some words about how i initially responded to the poem) on my site back in March of this year.  About a month later, the sweetest synchronicity occurred & i  had the privilege of connecting with "Louise from Scotland." 

Below is the first email i received from Louise.  It will give you a feel for her loveliness & the beautiful vision she has.  A vision i so believe in.

Dear Julia,

I am writing to you from Aberdeen, Scotland after stumbling upon your beautiful blogspot. I adore your musings and writings! But I think you will find the reason for me contacting you is something magical....one of those incredible chance things in life!

You see, I too, recently read Naomi Shihab Nye's poem "How to Paint a Donkey." I love poetry and I somehow stumbled upon it on the internet. I completely loved it and most of all I loved the metaphorical message within it....that we should all be true to our own selves and celebrate our own individuality.

To cut a long story short, I wrote to Naomi via her agent as I had an idea to create a book based on her poem and with the title "How To Paint a Donkey."  I wanted it to be a lyrical celebration of individuality, of self belief and "uniqueness" in us all. So my idea was to compile a collection of different paintings of donkeys by artists.

The long and short of it is that Naomi said YES and has given it her full blessing. Since then, the whole thing has gained momentum and I now have sixty artists from everywhere...UK, USA, Ireland, Holland, Italy, Germany, France, Turkey, Cyprus, Finland, Sweden...all posting me a small painting of a donkey for my book! I am aiming for 80 to 100 paintings which should be perfectly achievable. Naomi's poem will be at the front of the book and each painting will be accompanied by the name of the artist with a little comment from them about self-belief/individuality. I am going all out to get the book published and into UK bookshops....maybe USA too...but that is a little way off.

Julia, I just love what you have written in response to the poem yourself. It really sums up everything I feel about it and it speaks volumes about what my little book is all about.

I wanted to drop you a note to tell you how amazing I think it is that you have responded to the poem in the same way I did and I want to ask you if you might like to contribute a piece of writing to my blogspot (pending) and possibly even the book itself.

It was just so magical to stumble upon this on your blogspot!

Hope to hear from you!

Warm wishes

Louise Greig

If you'd like to read more about Louise's project, head over to her blog where you can read Naomi Shihab Nye's initial response to Louise's book idea & peek at some of the lovely donkey paintings that are rolling in!

I am so honored to be a part of such an important & beautiful project.

P.S:  My family & i are heading east for a road/camping trip & then on to a very special wedding.  I am leaving my computer behind so will be taking a break from blogging/emailing/internet.  I'll be back here in a week or so.

Sending love to each of you lovely ones.

Friday, June 18, 2010

fearLESS Friday!

Week 3

While everything in your soul wants to trust the Voice of Love, you may still experience resistance. It's hard to let go of the training of the world. Most of us will do it gradually over time. But here's something to consider. It is more productive to trust love than to trust fear. Love strengthens you. It is not a soothing, "sissy" voice. It's a voice that helps you to access all that you are meant to be.     Tama Keives





I'm getting in tune with myself.  In other words, i'm calling myself on my own shit.  

I'm realizing that i've been resisting.  Resisting painting.  Resisting writing.  Resisting doing the things that nurture my body, my spirit.

Rather than nudging myself to just show up anyway, i've used all kinds of excuses:  not enough time, my kids are sick, i'm taking a break, i'm focusing on "this" right now, etc...

I've made excuses & more excuses for not showing up. 

It's funny.  In the beginning...when i started painting, it was such a RELEASE.  Such an explosion of allowing, of play, of fun, of just showing up and letting something--whatever--come through.

I painted in the morning, i painted in the afternoon (in the midst of mommy request after mommy request).   i painted late into the evening & in the middle of the night.  I couldn't get enough.

I had no expectations.

Maybe i should say that one more time.  I had no expectations. 

I was just doing.  And enjoying.  And loving every minute of it.  It was about expressing something that had wanted to be expressed for years, decades even.  It was like the floodgates had broken free & something inside me had burst wide open, finally.  And i could just fly.

It was the freest i had ever felt.  Really---ever.

And then i started to sell.  And i attended a class.  And i compared.  And i wondered.  And i worried about being good enough.  And i doubted.  And i got a little lost.  And i forgot.

But i'm remembering again. 

So, my fearLESS Friday is all about remembering & showing up anyway.  Like i did this week.

I cleared my work space.  I took out the brushes.  The dried up paint.  The canvas. 

I watched my fears, with amazement & curiosity,  rise to the surface, like piranhas just waiting to pounce on their prey.  yikes.  Seriously, though-it's amazing how ferocious the mind can be.  But i showed up and i dipped my brush in one color, then another. 

And it felt good--so so good. 

And i'm so glad i'm doing this fearLESS Friday thing.  Otherwise there would have been excuses--and they would have felt so very justified & legitimate.  The brushes would have stayed put, the blank canvas would still be blank.

But instead i broke through all that mind resistance and just showed up, even with all those fiercely persistent, big fanged monkeys on my back.  I think next time they show up i'll pet them gently and ask them if they want to dance.

And you? 

Have you stepped through any fears this week?  I'd really love to know all about it.


Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.  
~Rumi

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I just watched the below videos (shared by Kelly Rae Roberts in her online class) and the tears are still spilling.  I had to share them with those of you who are not taking the "Flying Lessons" class with me.

Grab a box of tissues.








The woman speaking is Kelly Corrigan who wrote the book The Middle Place.

Monday, June 14, 2010

NOW

Without words
we sit in quiet.
Stillness wraps
around us
in its soft, electric way
There is no wanting
or needing to know
what comes next
No questions
or place to get
We are not
tangled
in yesterdays
or turning toward
tomorrow

Just us
and something
that will
remain
through births
and deaths
and lifetimes
A million nows from now
A million nows from then


I'm finding this old poem of mine to be particularly relevant right now.  As we are moving into summer, and the school year is coming to a close, i feel myself shifting and adjusting.  There will be no more four hour windows of time to myself for making art/blogging/making pendants, etc...Instead i will be squeezing my creating into tiny windows of time, in between household maintenance & spending time with & taking care of my two little ones/summer trips/weddings/exercise/time with my husband/time with friends, etc... 

My five-year-old is already out for the summer so i am already shifting into this new schedule, and,  i have to say, i feel some relief...like i can just focus on what's immediately in front of me (my little girl) and trust that i will fit the rest in in the spaces in between. 

Letting go of wanting or needing to know what comes next.

There is always such peace that comes with being here now.  I'm realizing more and more that there really is nothing more important than peace.

p.s:  Thank you all for you comments/participation in last week's "fear-LESS Friday!"  I so loved hearing from each of you!

Friday, June 11, 2010

fearLESS Friday!

Week 2

"Inevitably some 'real world' event will challenge you, convince you that you are delusional rather than inspired, definitely dancing to a tune of you own, and alone in all the universe with no hope of success or redress. The mind can always find eight thousand reasons to turn back. And maybe you don't have one good 'reason' to go forward. Then one day it just doesn't matter anymore. You give up the thought that you will take your dream into the world in ways you know. Now you are most pliable and magical. And that's a fine day. Because now you are willing to let the torrent of instinct float you all the way."      Tama Keives



It's amazing (& not at all surprising) how much has come up for me since i posted that "fearLESS Friday" post last week.  Here are a few of the thoughts/fears/discomforts/questions that my mind has conjured up:

*Oh geez, i've put this out there, what if i can't follow-through?  What if i decide i just want to bale?
*What if i don't have anything that would be interesting enough to write about each week?
*What if people think this is a really dumb idea & no one wants to participate?
*What if i really don't want to be fearless, i just want to sleep in and eat all day instead?
*What if it feels like effort instead of inspiration?
*Can i really come up with something new to break through each week?
*What if i decide it's a dumb idea?


Here's how i'm dealing with all of the above.  I'm realizing that i don't have to think ahead with this, i can just take it one step at a time & stay open to whatever might want to show itself.  I'm reminding myself that this idea was born from inspiration, from somewhere deeper than my messy, worried mind. I'm honoring that original energy by showing up here, despite the persistent fears my mind continues to conjure up.  I'm doing my best to get out of the way, turn it over & watch "it" unfold ("it" meaning this weekly fear-LESS challenge, my creative journey & life in general)  rather than thinking i need to do this all myself.

I've been thinking a lot about fear this week, really asking myself if there is anything i'm doing or not doing out of fear, wondering what "fearless" step i could take this week.  One thing in particular kept coming up.  I have thought about (for months now) that i would love to have my pendants displayed at our local art center.  It's a place i've visited often & really respect the quality of the work.  I can just see my pendants there next to all the other gorgeous jewelry they have displayed.

Here comes the but....but whenever i've thought of really stepping forward with this, like actually contacting someone, i've frozen and come up with all kinds of reasons why i "shouldn't" do this now.  Thinking that later things would be different.  Later when i get my online shop looking a little more "put together."  Later when i become more of an artist, whatever that means.  I think i've held back on this because i didn't feel quite worthy of being at the art center with all those other artists.  Hmmmm.

Anyway, i need to cut this short because my little one really wants me to come do magic tricks with her and i've said, just a minute, a few too many times.

So, here's what i did.  I contacted the manager of the art center this morning.  I sent her my Etsy address and told her i thought my work would fit in just right there.

And i'm letting go now of any particular thing needing to happen.  Just to have taken that step feels like relief.  Just showing up here feels like relief.  I have no control over how she will respond (or if she will respond) or whether she'll like my work or not.

She may say no.  But i can keep saying yes.


Feel free to leave your fearless stories in the comments.  I would love to hear from you!



"Your heart has called you to step out on the edge, the thin ground that is actually safer than all you've known before. Trust your instincts instead of your conditioning. The edge will bring you to your edge and to the secret dimensions within you. This alone is worth the journey."           Tama Keives

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Note From the Universe


Sometimes just a simple "note from the universe" (below) helps put things in perspective. On a morning when things seem especially prickly, thorny, bumpy and gray, this little note was especially sweet.

For those of you who haven't yet heard about these little notes (that you too can receive in your inbox everyday), you can read about them here.






However long your dreams take to come true, Julia; no matter how prickly, thorny, or bumpy the path; and whether or not you even remember these words, if you stay the course, I can promise you this:


1 - They will come true.
2 - You'll recall the entire journey with fondness.
3 - You're going to miss shopping in complete anonymity.
 

Sure as snow.

Whatever,
    The Universe

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Something New

Update:  It seems a few hours was long enough for a change...i'm going back to what was.  Who knows what might be next.  Stay tuned.   :)


"Today will be joyous, for the beauty slamming against my face is unwilling to be ignored."
Susan Mrosek


Feeling like i'm needing something new & refreshing so i'm trying out this background.  It may stick or not.  We'll see. 

I love the trees and sky and the way the moon just barely peaks through.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Roots


"Painting does not inhabit a limited compartment of life, but thrusts its roots and branches into the deepest parts of us, transforming our ways of being."          Michele Cassou

Growing New Roots

Oh, how good it felt to paint these roots. 

I had no idea what this tree would become when i picked up my paintbrush.  I had no idea that it was really the roots that wanted to be painted. 

It just kind of happened.  A few appeared & then a few more and a few more.  With the appearance of each root, I felt myself become a little more grounded, a little more connected, a little less anxious--a little more calm, a little more of who i really am

I really am getting that it's so not about "good" & "bad."  It's about my connection with my process.  It's about the release & healing that happens when i express little bits of me. 

And because i'm having a tough time putting this into words, i'll leave you with the words of Michele Cassou (from her amazing book, Life, Paint & Passion):  

"You do not use art as a means to an end but as a way to inhabit and explore the present.  Right and wrong fade away; you recover your sense of what is authentic in you.  The next expanse of nothingness, with its latent possibilities, awaits you, draws you close.  Your art is part of the big painting of your life.  You are on your own, standing by yourself in the middle of creation.  In the beauty of that aloneness, and in how you respond to it, you will find your passion."  Michele Cassou

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Volatile


This has so been me lately:

Volatile:  Short lived, shapeless, unsettled, wandering, fitful, fleeting, whimsical, fading, adrift, eccentric, flitting, momentary, spineless, variable, unstable, charged, irregular, edgy, fly-by-night, impulsive, scatterbrained, featherbrained, indecisive, changeable, irregular, shifty


I'm not entirely comfortable putting photos of me up here (yikes!)  but since i'm practicing moving through fear right now, i'm going to do it anyway.  I'm finding there is a sweet  
release that happens when i do something out-of-the-ordinary, something i wouldn't typically do.  So, here i am.




What out-of-the-ordinary-thing might you do today?

Friday, June 4, 2010

fearLESS Friday!


"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows"   Dostoyevsky


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."    Marianne Williamson






It's 4:45 in the morning and it's been raining, pouring, really,   all.   night.   long.  In fact, it's been raining pretty nonstop for weeks and months.  I'm pretty sure the sky forgot how to stop.  The birds are chirping and singing like crazy.  Their sweet tweeting, mixed with the rain-sound, is soothing and lovely. 

I have an idea.  or maybe i should say an idea has me.  I woke up at 4:00 a.m with it and it wouldn't let me go back to sleep.  I rolled over a few times, pulled the covers up a little higher, tried to let the rain soothe me back to sleep.  But, instead, my heart started beating a little faster, i couldn't lie still, and, after a few dozen breaths, i found my body practical leaping out of bed. 

So, because today just happens to be Friday, and because i'm feeling like feeling the fear and doing it anyway, and because i know each step leads to the next and the next, and because i know i don't have to know the "hows" ahead of time, and am trusting that that part will take care of itself, and because i know the power of creating out loud--today, i will begin.  This is my baby step. 

Here's the idea: 

Every Friday (or sometime during the week) i will, consciously and with intention, do something that scares me/challenges me/takes me out of my comfort zone. 

It can be something tiny or big.  Something i've been afraid of forever and have put off doing.  It can be as simple as making contact with someone i haven't made contact with for a while (due to some small or big fear).  Or saying i'm sorry.  Or, i love you.  It can be taking a tiny little baby step in the direction of what moves/inspires/excites me.  Or pausing long enough to hear those whispers that i've been pretending i don't hear.  Or slowing down long enough to meditate.  Or stepping out the door for a run.  It could be quieting my voice and listening instead.  It could be posting or submitting that painting or photograph or poem (or comment!)  :)  that's collecting dust, even if i don't think it's "good."  Or writing or speaking those words that are whispering or screaming to be heard.  It can be doing something completely out of the ordinary, something out of my comfort zone, just to stir & rattle & shake things up a bit. 


FEAR:

F--FALSE
E--EVIDENCE
A--APPEARING
R--REAL   


And i'll come here, to this space, and tell you about it. 

I would love for you to join me. 
And write about it in the comment section. 

In writing about it, you claim it & celebrate it & release it & strengthen your courage & resolve. And in doing all of that, you help others to claim & celebrate & release & strengthen their courage & resolve. 

And beautiful lovely things begin to happen. 

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

It would be so much fun to let our lights shine together.  To be liberated from our fear.
Don't you think?


Here are some questions I'll be asking myself along the way:


What would i do if i couldn't screw up?
What would i do if i/it didn't have to be good?
What would i do if i weren't worried about what others would think?
What would i do if i weren't afraid?
What would i do if i were not trying to impress anybody with the result?
What would i do if i didn't have to know what comes next?
What would i do if i were not afraid to be free?
What would i do if i couldn't fail?


*I'm sure, as i begin this, that there will be reasons i can't always post on Friday (sick kids, travel, unexpected somethings) but i'm going to be soft and compassionate with myself and do the best i can to show up for me.  And for you.


The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” - Goethe

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Sparks

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."  
Albert Schweitzer




Dear beautiful readers,

My heart is so warmed and held by your precious comments on my last post.  Thank you for taking the time to leave a bit of your sweet selves here, each word written lit my insides with goodness.

What a comfort it is to know that we walk side by side in this wild and beautiful life.  And that sharing our messy selves is seriously freeing and connecting and helps us help each other get to the other side of the "bramble."  (As Marie-Claire so eloquently wrote about in yesterday's comments.)

May your day overflow with shining goodness.  And may you be aware of all the loveliness and abundance that comes when you simply settle in and embrace all of beautifully messy you.

Sending love to each of you,

Julia

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Little Bit of Truth

At this crazy early hour, at five minutes until five in the morning-after getting way too little sleep, consuming way too much of the "wrong" kinds of food and drinks at a wedding this weekend, after swimming in my fear for far too many days---I've decided something. 

I've decided that i can't not tell the truth anymore.  The truth.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Okay, maybe not the whole truth (that would take a really long time and take up far more time than you or i have) but little bits of the truth, as i see it and feel it, and know it to be true, in this right now moment.

Whew.  Even while i write this, that sounds scary and crazy.  My tummy is buzzing and swarming and tight with that all too familiar fear.  My mind and all those familiar voices say, oh, there go a bunch of readersNot that you really even have a bunch.  And, do your really want to put all that out there?  You're going to sound depressed/needy/insecure/neurotic, etc..you're going to sound crazy

And that part of me that wants to run and hide also wants to backspace and delete and continue to play it safe.

My dad has this thing he likes to say, he says it dramatically and somewhat jokingly, typically when he's trying to make people laugh (so picture a deep voice and some deep-belly chuckling), he says, "You can't handle the truth."   These words are bouncing and bellowing around in my head right now.  Now, as i sit in this near dark room, before the sun has risen even, and attempt to empty myself into this space.  I think there is so much truth in these words.  As i turn and flip these words over in my head a few times, i think it would be truthful to say that i feel that other people can't handle my truth, or, even closer, maybe it's that i can't handle their response to my truth. 

Several months ago, i wrote this post.  It felt like a very honest, brave post, of simply putting my truth out there.  I can always tell when i'm really being truthful because i feel a huge release in telling it.  I feel lighter afterward.  This was one of those posts.  Shortly after posting it on this site, i received an email from an old friend of mine--he was concerned about me.  His concern was genuine and i  believe he was trying to be helpful, but i felt misunderstood.  It felt like i had said too much and that it wasn't okay or "normal" to be having such a range of emotions.  I felt like he now viewed me as not stable, or like a complainer or like a self-absorbed, neurotic person.  And i remember thinking that i better be careful or people will think...(fill in the blank)

Ugh. 

But here's the truth.  I'm tired of wondering what people will think.  I'm tired of holding back my truth so that i will appear stable/secure/together/positive/optimistic/grounded/professional, etc...The funny thing is i feel like i tell the truth more than most people.  I've always been described as someone who is real, who is fairly uncensored in putting my truth out there.  But when i really sit with myself and tune into my heart and head, i realize how very much i hold back, and how that hold back has everything to do with me feeling stuck in the muck right now. 

Over coffee last week i told my friend that these words have been running over and over in my mind; The truth shall set you free.  I've heard these words many many times and they are so, well...cliche, but to have them appear in my head, seemingly out of nowhere, seems a little significant.  She told me to pay attention.  I think i will.

For now i'll just say i truly know and feel that the truth will set me free.  And from the deepest depths of me, and more than just about anything else in the world, i want to be FREE.  I want to stop trying to be.  I want to simply be.  Not just the "good," "acceptable" parts of me but all of me--the ups and downs and all over-the-place parts of me. 

I want to tell you how i've been sinking up to my eyeballs in fear lately and how that fear has kept me from writing and painting and connecting with those i love.  I want to tell you about all the stupid untruths my mind has been spitting at me lately.  Things like,  you're not good enough and no one really likes your stuff and you're not really creative and your writing sucks.  My mind has been comparing me to them and telling me how i'll never measure up to the bazillion truly "talented" people out there.  You know, the "real" artists.  My mind had been telling me if people really liked my stuff, it would be selling instead of sitting buried in my cupboard.

And on and on and on.

My mind has also been telling me that i should really get it together, that i really should be contributing more financially to my family, that it's not okay to sit around and write and paint and make jewelry while my husband works his butt off.  And that, that brand new, very expensive artsy printer i just bought, was really just a waste of money--something else that will get buried in dust.  Oh, and it's been telling me that clearly my blog offers nothing because no one seems to come here or if they do they don't stay--and it wonders why so many other bloggers have so many readers and i don't--clearly they have something i don't.  It's wondered about what the point of this is anyway.

Goodness. 

Here's the truth though.  Even though i've been stuck in the muck lately, i know too much to stay here.  I know it's just another part of this being human.  And that i must lean in and write and create, not backspace and delete and run away.  I know that when i pause and listen to the space between my thoughts, there is peace there.  In those little quiet spaces, i feel my heart open and a truth from deep inside bubbles to the surface.  It tells me something truer than all that mind garble.  It tells me that there are no limits to what i can create.  It tells me that i don't have to try to be, i can simply be.  It tells me that i don't have to do anything but express myself and begin and take baby steps.  It tells me to turn the rest over--to let the details, the hows, be taken care of by that beautiful, all knowing, creative force-- that is absolutely limitless and overflowingly abundant. 

It tells me that i am enough, just as i am and to embrace every itty bitty part of myself.

Right now there are swarms and swarms of truths i could put down here but pretty soon my house will be buzzing with little girls who need "more," lunch boxes that need to be filled and all kinds of other stuff that comes with getting two little ones off to school.

So, that's it for now...a little bit of my truth.