Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I got the brushes & paint out this morning and put color on canvas...it felt so good.
I'm continually amazed at how resistant I sometimes am to doing the very thing I know will nurture me. (Yes, this is an on-going theme.) I'm realizing, though, that when I listen to the mind (that wants desperately to keep me safe and small), I suffer.
Sometimes it's difficult to know who's talking. But, more and more, I'm learning to distinguish the mind voices from the soul voices.
When the mind is talking (and it will always and forever try to make its fraidy cat voice heard), I feel constricted, tired, afraid, anxious, impatient, hesitant. I feel like protecting myself, staying comfortable and doing what I always do. I worry about what others will think. I worry that I'm not good enough. I think about what I'm not getting. I think I need to know the hows before I begin. I don't begin.
When I allow myself to slow way down and listen closer, I hear little whispers...the little whispers are brave and sweet and nurturing and gentle. They say things like, just begin, let go of needing it to be good, just show up, you have nothing to prove, just be you, let go and trust. Open. Stop trying to control. Let the magic come through. You don't have to do this alone. Let go. Let go. Let go.
When I listen to the whispers I feel energized, empowered, excited, giddy--maybe a little (or a lot) scared too, but, alongside the scared, I feel full and courageous. I feel like giving and sharing. I feel a sense of possibility.
I am learning that I can allow the mind voices to be there, maybe even have breakfast with them if I want...but I don't have to listen. I don't have to do what they say. I don't have to allow them to drag me to hell (where they often threaten to keep me forever).
There is a wise, soft, gentle part of me that waits patiently for me to slow down and listen. This part of me knows there are no limits, trusts that there is absolutely enough to go around and knows the next step will be revealed in perfect time. And believes in abundance and magic. And miracles.
This part of me wants to soar bravely into the wide open, sunshiny expansiveness of me.
I think I'll lean in real close and listen to the whispers.
Which part are you listening to today?
Posted by Julia at 3:48 PM