Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Want to Tell You


"Your life is your practice.  Your spiritual practice does not occur someplace other than in your life right now, and your life is nowhere other than where you are.  You are looking for answers, insight, and wisdom that you already possess.  Live the life in front of you, be the life you are, and see what you find out for yourself."  Karen Maezen Miller

Art by the beautiful Lori Portka
let us all be thankful

There is so much I want to tell you and I don't really know where to begin, so I think I'll just begin with these words...

I want to tell you that the book I just finished, Momma Zen, by Karen Maezen Miller, has shifted something in me, something that has wanted to shift for a long time.  As much as I have always loved being a mom, there has been a part of me that has resisted fully embracing this role, like doing so would keep me from the "big" aspirations that I have.  I've known for a long time that being present for what is right in front of me is the key to peace...this book solidified that for me.  Thank you, Karen, for gifting me with your words.

I want to tell you about what happened on Monday when my girls were home...I turned off the computer and I turned toward them--with all of me. We ended up going to the store and getting a playground ball and chalked out some big squares on our back deck and played two square in the sunshine for hours and hours.  We giggled.  We had snacks.  We breathed fresh air...we had a day together that felt new and present and connecting.

I want to tell you that, after months of training, on Saturday morning I ran 10 miles!  10!  And that on May 1st (less than two weeks from now) I will be running the Eugene Half Marathon!  I ran this same half marathon 3 years ago and am so looking forward to running it again.  This training has been a huge challenge and stretch for me, there have been a lot of aches and pains and plenty of resistance, but I've stuck with it and come out on the other side.  I love coming out on the other side...the view is so pretty from here.  This running has been such a practice for me; a practice in presence and patience and persistence...and has reached out and touched every area of my life.

I want to tell you that my little mind is getting quieter and quieter.  As much as it has wanted to take over with talk of overwhelm, as much as it tells me I should really get a plan and figure out what I'm doing with my life, that I should hurry up... the deeper part of me is taking my hand and leading the way.  Instead of insisting that I do more or try harder, it tells me to sit quietly and listen, it tells me to trust, that I can simply continue to follow the energy of the moment, that I can let go of the hows and know that I will be lead every step of the way.  Again and again, it tells me to let go.  And, even though my stubborn mind wants to hang on tight, its voice seems to be growing fainter and fainter.

I want to tell you that this daily focus on gratitude has shifted me in ways I can't fully explain yet.

I want to tell you that when I show up for what's right in front of me, answers, insight and wisdom bubble up in perfect time, all on their very own.

I want to tell you that I love your presence here, it is one of the many blessings in my life and so very appreciated.  Thank you for being here.

I want to tell you about an important decision I have made but that will have to wait until Friday...I look forward to seeing you then. 

10 comments :

  1. Oh, Julia,

    Such beauty and truth you weave from word to word. "I love coming out on the other side...the view is so pretty from here.” You created a wonderful picture, one that we can all relate to.

    Yes, You want to tell ... and you always do in such an inspiring way. But, really ... are going to make us wait until Friday? I will patiently await for your words. I know it’s going to be amazing. You always are.

    XOXO

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  2. Julia, being present for what is right in from of us- that has to be the key to happiness and peace. As Byron Katie says, Being a lover of what is. I am so glad you found a book that touched you so deeply it caused a shift in perspective on parenting. I love the playground ball, 4 square story, I love that you run, I cannot wait to hear what else is going on that is waiting until Friday! Thank you for sharing my art on your beautiful blog. It is an honor!

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  3. Dear friend,
    You will never regret spending that time with your children. It builds such strong love, deep lasting love between you and them. One day they will speak of it as a beautiful memory.
    As you connect with them we all connect with you here. What a blessing for all of us!

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  4. 10 miles?!!! awesome, dear!!!!!!
    & oh, i love lori & her art SO!!
    hmmm, an important decision you made..
    i'm sure it was crafted with wisdom & loveliness!
    xoxox

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  5. Julia

    You're such an inspiration. I'm so proud of you for doing a half marathon and for reaching your running goals! And your honesty....it always seems to ground me. I hope we get to see each other this summer. We're still planning to be out there the first two weeks of August.

    I finally became an official "follower" of your blog [I'm no longer just a stalker]. Thanks for sharing your life. I always look forward to reading your posts.

    Tons of love!

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  6. You seem to be in such a peaceful place. I want a piece of what you have!!! I will tune in Friday, eagerly waiting to hear your important decision.

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  7. I want to tell you that your peace shows. You presence is present and so sweet. I feel this quiet space, the breathing, the letting go, the being, and I feel so lucky that I get to spend beautiful, important moments with you, in person, feeling this energy holding us, and gifting us so much--and the best part--seeing all these little miracles. And just having fun.

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  8. I want to tell you: you are welcome.
    My mother wants to tell you: you are welcome, too.

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  9. I want to tell you that I was asked to think of the happiest person I know yesterday - and it was you.

    I want to tell you that you are an inspiration. I want to thank you for your dedicated consistency with practicing running.

    I want to tell you that I so want what you've got and the way to find that within myself is to practice as you describe - to turn inwards, to rest, to let go and trust.

    Thank you Julia, sweet lovely friend. xxx

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia