Friday, April 15, 2011
A fearLESS Friday Post
There are all kinds of deep things stirring this evening and sometimes it just feels too hard to put those really deep things into words, you know? So, I sit here finding myself typing and deleting, typing and deleting and deleting more, until, once again, I'm left with a too bright white screen. That flow that occasional pays a visit, seems to be elsewhere this evening. Which leads me to believe that it might be best to leave this coffee shop and go tuck myself into bed.
But it seems I am continuing...
It's been a pretty intense last few days. My husband has been out of town, I've been trying to fight off a cold that has knocked me on my
ass butt rump and threatened to keep me there, my oldest daughter had a birthday that included a sleepover, there were 151 loads of laundry to wash and dry and fold and put away (and dusting and vacuuming and cooking and animals to feed and paws to wipe and dishes to do and more dishes to do) and today there was no school...so there has been little downtime. Not surprisingly, the less quiet time I have, the louder my little mind becomes...it's like it thinks it has free rein to just jump in and carry on with all of its old, dumb BS.
It seems this is the theme of just about every post I read lately...the mind getting in the way of people's peace. It's what it does best. I have learned that when it comes to little minds, there is nothing very unique or special about them, they're pretty much all alike. They love to tell us what we're doing wrong, they love to compare and criticize and measure and demean and point out all of our imperfections. They love to nag and nitpick and scrutinize. They love to put things and people in boxes. They love to think everything is an urgent, need-to-have it/do it-right-now emergency. They want. They doubt. They try to figure out. They want more. They want now.
I've spent a significant amount of time, over the last several years, keenly observing my own little mind and listening intently to the minds of others. And what I know for sure is that this is what minds do--this is their job. They think they're keeping us safe, but, really, they're keeping us afraid and small. And I know for sure that there are far, far too many beautiful, perfectly enough people out there who are still allowing their little minds to run them all over the place.
This is what I want to say to you, little mind...
I'm not buying it anymore. I know where you're trying to take me and I refuse to go. I've scoured all of those dark alleys and menacing basements and I've had enough, thank you. I'm not going to allow you to toss me all over the place anymore. I know that I can breathe deeply, slow down, get really present and access that much wiser, gentler part of me that doesn't compare or criticize or tell me I'm not good enough. I know that I can quiet down and sink into that place that whispers kind things and says a holy yes to love.
I have learned that when it comes to my attacking, menacing little mind--I have to be vigilant, softly alert, constantly practicing presence, continuously calling it on its BS. I've learned that I am not my mind. I am that still calm witness, that which observes my mind.
I have learned that anything that doesn't speak of love isn't worth listening to.
Hasn't little mind had more than its fair share of air time? Would you like to join me in not listening anymore?
Posted by Julia at 11:15 AM