Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Monday, June 20, 2011

It's Just A Matter of Time

"I believe that when you're inspired, you know the truth, and even if you forget it, the truth remains the same. You will connect with your light again. You will feel pain slip away and fear evaporate. You will feel bold with knowing. It's just a matter of time."  Tama Kieves

It's just a matter of time.  I'm taking great comfort in the above words this morning.  I have a tiny window of time before I need to pick my little ones up from their first day of soccer camp.  My intention, in the next two and a half hours, is to re-align with that place that breathes me, that quiet center that does not judge or hold on to what "should" have been or what "should" be. And to be really, extra gentle with myself.  

In a recent conversation with a friend, I must have used the word "align" three dozen times.  I was talking about how when I am aligned with that calm, centered, God-place inside of me, all else flows from there; creativity, inspiration, Love, compassion, peace.  I have found this to be one of the truest things I know and the answer to pretty much anything and everything I can think of.  And I have found that, in order to align with that quiet, knowing place, I must quiet the mind voices--the shoulds, the blame, the feelings of lack and limitation.  

Since I am forever committed to painting the truest picture I know, I want to convey a bit of what I've been feeling.  In the last couple of days, it seems the ultimate conditions have come together, have aligned, for me to feel frazzled, frustrated, irritated, lacking...I am amazed at how quickly the suffering/constricted feelings can take over when the mind is allowed to run amok.  So, what have these ultimate conditions been?  Severe allergies (to grass seed--we just happen to live in the "grass seed capital of the world!"), fighting/resistant little ones who are now out of school for the summer, really wanting Father's Day to be a special day for my husband and having it turn out to be a total & complete flop (or what appeared to be a total flop), no time to myself, lack of connections with friends, no time for creating, hormone intensity, etc...

Even though these may not seem like "big" things, it has felt really big these last few days.  Because I'm such a keen observer of my mind, I can clearly see that my feelings of constriction have nothing to do with what's happening and everything to do with what I'm telling myself about what's happening. My resistance to what IS, thinking things (or people) should look different than they actually are, has had me spinning in an ugly field of resistant yuckiness.

I was just on Tama Kieve's Facebook page and came across these words:

How was your weekend precious, alive ones? What was great or hard or instructive? What would you like to experience this coming week? Why not set your intention, in the safety of our sacred circle, and we will hold it for you. I send you love and blessings.

So, here I am with a few moments to myself.  My intention, in this sacred moment, and in the moments to come, is to

allow myself to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling
let go of all that is not in this very moment 
stop blaming myself for being far far less than perfect 
let go of what I think this weekend (or this moment) "should" have looked like
breathe deep, deep, cleansing, connecting breaths 
look around me and tune into what is actually happening right now 
reconnect with that place that trusts that what IS is exactly what should be
breathe into and open open open that heart space inside
tune into that place that knows that it's all happening FOR me not to me 
write my gratitude list (this always helps me tune in to the sacred) 
allow whatever is to BE.
give myself a break
let go of trying to control and turn it all over, surrender it all to the forces that be

Whew.  Okay.  I'm finding myself breathing just a little bit easier right now.  I feel things softening and lightening.  I feel a little quieter inside. 

To go back to Tama's beautiful question;

How was your weekend precious, alive ones? What was great or hard or instructive? What would you like to experience this coming week? Why not set your intention, in the safety of our sacred circle, and we will hold it for you. I send you love and blessings.

I'd love to hear from you.  These connections matter so much.

P.S:  There is a giveaway going on, I will announce the winner tomorrow evening (PST) so you still have a chance to enter!


  1. Oh Julia,

    Thank you for using this space to paint your path out of constriction and into freer breathing. Your intention is beautiful. You've been so on my mind, and it draws me closer to you to read about your struggle over the last couple of days, and to witness you choose once again.

    I am needing to slow right down. I've been putting lots of really positive action 'out' and I'm desperate for an 'answer' to come, RIGHT NOW! And yet, when I just take a breath, I realize that in this moment I already have everything I could possibly need.

    Funnily enough, I've just started having chirporactic treatment, at a clinic called Align :) I love little synchronicities like that.

    Love you xxx

  2. Dear Julia - what a heart felt post - i love the quote you begin with. sometimes life carries us away and we forget, we seem to somehow lose the calm and peace, it evaporates - but it is always there, we can reclaim the knowing, the peace, the joy. The present, the now is always there - we have to just remember it sometimes. Truth is after all - NOW.

  3. Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey. You speak love, courage, and release--my favorite languages. I know how deep your faith, and I know how powerfully you stand as wayseer. We hold your hands and give you rest.Hear the lullaby? XO

  4. This is such an encouraging post. I have been battling constriction this week and it was such a painful experience. I know that perfectionism is definitely the root of all this. So, I am giving myself a break this week. I'm just layering on the love.

  5. I'm trying to let go of what I think a relationship should look like and just let it be. The same with work and a job and security. It's hard to let go, although I have to laugh at myself. It's not like I have any control over the world but my mind likes to pretend I do. Thank you for a lovely post. A reminder to consciously decide how I want to live.


What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia