Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Another 41 Days...Moving Toward the Fear

"When you inquire, you begin with whatever is happening now--from wanting to eat an entire pizza to wanting to crawl into bed and stay there for the next fifty years.  You don't assume that you know what you need to do or where you need to go.  You become curious about feelings and sensations.  You listen to your body.  You stop bossing yourself around."  
 Geneen Roth

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders... photo by SirĂ©liss

Okay, so I can't wait another minute to begin.  As much as every part of me wants to squirm out of this and go hide in a big plate of food, there is a nudge here that keeps getting bigger and more much as I really want to ignore this, I don't think I'm allowed.

So, may today begin another 41 days.  Those of you who have been following me for a while know I've done a few of these.  My first 41 days (the # 41 was initially inspired because I just recently turned that age) was a practice of getting quiet, the second was a practice of saying YES to my highest truth.

And now...(I know, the anticipation is killing you!)

it appears that today I will begin again.  This one is...

41 Days of Learning to Love This Body of Mine.  

Whew!  Okay, there.  I said it.  It's out there.  

It's amazing, these nudges started coming months ago and, since then, it seems every time I open up someone's blog or open a book or whatever is in front of me, they are, in some way or another, speaking about the body. Doesn't this always happen?  Just when you begin to focus on something, it starts showing up everywhere.  I've yes-ed and no-ed and maybe-ed this for too long now and it doesn't seem to be leaving me alone.

This feels really big for me.  It feels scary.  I have no idea how it will unfold or what I will focus on here.  The idea is to move toward self love, self acceptance for my body, something I'm  really not feeling right now. Something I've never felt.  I don't know how I'm going to do this but I know I must begin.  I am trusting that I will be led/guided/turned toward the light--one wobbly step at a time.  As I've mentioned before, this declaring out loud is extremely powerful.  Once I've declared it here, I'm all in--doubt, fear, excitement, hesitation and all.

In an incredibly insightful post on fear (written by Belle from Creative Spiritual Women) I came across these words:

For me, fear is a clear indicator that I’m supposed to go there. It’s no less real and valid than the street sign on the corner.

So, here I 1 of going there, wherever there turns out to be.  I would love to have you, any of you!  All of you!  join me in this.  Something tells me this is going to be big with a capital B.

Big, deep breath.  Goosebumps.  Okay, I'm pressing publish now.


  1. "..a clear indicator that I'm supposed to go there." Those words are powerful. What I really want to do is feel the fear and RUN! But, again, dear friend, you inspire me.

    I'm going to start taking Yoga in a few days! Just another way to learn to simply be, to get in touch with my body. How synchronus that this comes as you begin this 41 days...

    Love ya!

  2. Ooh, Julia. Congratulations. I can't wait to see where this goes. I'll be there right along side this one. XO!

  3. so brave and inspiring. i, too, will be alongside this one! xoxo

  4. Julia, I'm so excited that you decided to do this! I've been wanting to do the same for months now and I haven't found the courage. But you have inspired me, 100%. I can't wait to read your posts during these 41 days. Just tell me, where should I start??

    Best wishes and much love : )

  5. So wonderful. Might I recommend that you look through the June posts on Trust Tending, She just finished a "body" theme that really resonated with me.

    Best wishes to you!

  6. This is so encouraging! I cannot wait to see what happens over the next 40 days!

  7. Looking forward to the journey.

  8. Julia,

    I just came back for a minute to tell you that I’ve been doing some deep work with my holistic body worker over the years. And ~~ today, I experience a release on the deepest cellular level I’ve ever known.

    Your posting has inspired me to journal about this experience of Letting Go so deep within my body.

    Thanks for the inspiration to share.

    So glad you are back.

  9. Dear beautiful women,

    In this moment I'm so filled with joy, which is quite a contrast from what I've been feeling throughout the day. Since I posted this morning, I've felt jittery--like, oh what in the world have I done here? The fear in me has been huge.

    This is what it's been saying:

    *What if I can't follow through?
    *What if I disappoint myself/others?
    *What if I don't know what to do next?
    *What if I don't have time to share all I want to share?

    Livingmindfulgrace, your question, "Just tell me, where should I start?? stopped me in my tracks...

    Since my goal here is to do this all moment by moment, to ask for guidance in each step, I want to answer your question in that way too. This is what's bubbling to the surface...

    You've already begun. Just by coming here and declaring your intention, by being mindful enough to know that this is where you want to focus, you've begun. By noticing that this has been in your awareness for a long while now, you've begun. Speaking for myself, I know that simply showing up here with my intention has already made me more conscious. All day today, I've been pausing and asking my body what it needs and I've paused long enough to hear the answer. So, in addition to declaring your intention, I would just say, start to tune IN, start asking that quiet place inside what it is that your body is really needing, what it is that would be nurturing/nourishing? Allow yourself to be led in each moment. Thank you so much for the question.

    Thank you, each of you, for taking the time to share your thoughts. Feedingthebirds, thank you for passing along that site. Eydie, I can't wait to read your post.

    I can't tell you how good it is to be in the company of such beautiful women.

    Sending each of you love,


  10. So exciting! Way to take the plunge into the fear. You have tons of support and eagerness from this community to journey alongside you.

    This is good with a capital G and you've already begun.

    Loving you and that body of yours!

  11. I am on this 41 days with you, my friend. This is such a *big* one for so many of us. I begin today with a little ceremony of appreciation for my body. For nearly 38 years, this body has been the temple of my soul, protecting and nourishing me without even a thought required from my mind. It naturally knows what to do and how to "be." Rarely have I acknowledged that. This next 41 days opens up a whole new relationship with my body.

    Thank you my friend. With you on this journey all the way. May love lead the way.

  12. Wow, ladies! I read the title of your post, Julia, and said, "Ooh... Nige, Julia is doing another 41 days!"


    I have had a lifelong love-hate relationship with my body. I am certain to blog about it soon. It's always potent.

    I LOVE this space!!


  13. Thank you for answering my question, Julia, and for taking on this wonderful goal and encouraging me to start this journey : ) You are right, an intention is the first step. This a crazy, stressful time in my life so I have been tempted to say "not now" to loving my body and myself fully. But now is all we have, and now is always the time to love.

    Yesterday I decided to purchase a bracelet. It has a tiny heart on it and I'm going to wear it every day to remind myself that I deserve my deepest love and that I am committed to giving myself that love. So yes, here is to the beginning of this wonderful journey! I wish you - and every person who has the good fortune of finding the post and joining the journey - luck and love!

    So much gratitude and love,

  14. Julia,
    I have followed your blog for a while and every time you start a 41 days I think,"I am totally going to do that too!" Then the world steps in my way and I forget to take the time to feed my spirit. This time I know that this is something I NEED. As a 43 year old mom with a 4 month old baby and MS to boot, I know that I need to connect with my body NOW and start taking back control. Thank you so much for inspiring me!


What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia