Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Shaky Ground


"Reaching our limit is not some kind of punishment.  It's actually a sign of health that, when we meet the place where we are about to die, we feel fear and trembling.  A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.  Things like disappointment and anxiety are messengers telling us that we're about to go into unknown territory."  Pema Chödrön


 Photo by Kevin Moul    Taos, New Mexico

It seems that six hours would be a long enough period of time to get a blog post written.  But, apparently not.  Apparently when the mind decides to edge its way in to every cell of your being, no amount of time is enough.  

This has been one of those days where I've started several posts, written a few sentences, deleted those sentences, opened up a page, thinking I was going to write about one thing, then decided that that really wasn't what I wanted to write about, then opened up a new page, wrote a few sentences, then decided I didn't want to write about that either.  I've thought about skipping this post altogether. I've thought about writing a post about how this is going to be my last post, for like, forever. 

My mind is tossing me so far out and back and out again, I literally feel dizzy. I've pretty much reached my limit with it, in fact. Apparently, according to Pema, reaching our limit is actually a good thing. Which is why, whenever I feel the ground quaking beneath me (which seems to be often), I fumble around for her book When Things Fall Apart.  I love how simply she puts everything, how real she is about what's real.  I love how she reminds me to be with whatever is rather than trying to bolt.  

Every bit of my being has wanted to bolt lately.  It's the human way, I guess, to want to escape discomfort rather than lean in and listen to what it has to say.  When the mind begins it's crazy-thinking, telling me all the ways I'm failing, all the ways I'm not enough, all the ways I just don't have what it takes, it's painful to stay & listen.  But it's more painful to continue to bolt, because even though I may temporarily escape the pain, it will come back again and again.  And again.

So, here I am, attempting not to struggle, attempting to lean in and listen.  Unknown territory, here I am again.  



8 comments :

  1. Oh my dearest friend, how in tune we are with one another. This unknown territory is feeling so scary and shaky. Yet, I know deep down in a little place that's called "wisdom" that it's this mysterious realm that is calling out to us.

    You are not alone. I am here with you... perhaps bolting means taking off and flying.

    Love you!

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  2. Hello sweet soul,

    Thank you for sharing these tender feelings here in your sacred space. I love your open heart and your wise words.

    I'm thinking of you tonight and wrapping you up in comfort, peace, and love.

    xoxo,
    Lisa

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  3. Julia,
    The world would be a dimmer place without your words to shine the light on the messy things that require a space to be discovered. This is your space: your own personal red tent, so never give up on this place. You are safe here and with you to show us the way, we are all wiser and more powerful women. Because you let the scary stuff be seen and heard, felt and known. It is real and authentic and necessary. And tomorrow is a whole new day to move closer to your power.

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  4. Tonight's post is for you, my friend.

    You are so good, so very good.

    Please be good to yourself.

    There is a lot going on right now, and I think you are feeling it, sensitive soul that you are.

    You are not alone... but take good care of my friend, ok?

    Love and peace to you...

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  5. julia,
    you are so honest and real and your words inspire me everyday.
    lots of hugs to you always

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  6. I love how you dive into unknown territory.
    I will sit here with you awhile
    And run my fingers through the grass
    While you gaze at sky
    And lean into the unknown.

    xxx

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  7. Right with you, brave friend. I think the more lost we are, the more we are in an open place for something new to be birthed. I know you sit quietly in anticipation of this, even with the mind up top, because your desire for truth is unshakable. And so if anything, you can trust that. Thank u for holding that space, and for being vulnerable. You help me feel into the new. Love u.

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  8. Sending you thoughts of love and peace....

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia