Artwork by Rachel Awes
Monday, November 21, 2011
Spark, Sprout, Surrender, Shine
Artwork by Rachel Awes
I so don't know all the steps. Lately it doesn't feel like I know any of them. I'm learning though, that this is actually a good thing. This not knowing what comes next is giving me no choice but to settle into this very moment--just this one. Though the littleness of me (ego) is fumbling and flailing, gripping and grabbing for dear life, it's getting to the point where I have no choice but to let go. It's either suffer like crazy, which I seriously can no longer do, or let the hell go already.
And I'm getting, more and more deeply, that letting go requires trust (with a capital T)-- that I will be (in Elizabeth Lesser's words) caught and talk and turned toward the light. It requires a trust in something beyond what I can see or name. It requires turning within for the answers that clearly are not anywhere else. It requires letting go of trying to wrap my mind around anything. It requires trusting Love more than I trust a safe, well-thought-out plan.
I am so thankful for words like these (below) written by Tama Kieves, a woman who stepped out of her known, secure, lawyer career to feed the spark in her heart::
"I know that once I stopped trying to fit what I wanted to do into some kind of real-world form, what I wanted to do sprouted urgent feathers and took flight. I didn't care where it led because I could never go back to a life of limits on my love. I know it sounds preposterous to choose something when you can't imagine how it could work. But on this path, it's riskier to see how it can work and how it will taint your love. Choose the storm instead of the form."
I know that whatever it is that I'm doing (or not doing) doesn't fit into any kind of real-world form. And some days it feels like I'm standing dead center in the eye of the storm and the ground has dropped entirely away. But I'm getting that the solid, grounded, magical, peaceful feeling that I'm after, doesn't come from knowing what's going to come next. Where would the magic be in that? It comes from knowing/Trusting that if I continue to follow this sparkly light inside, it will lead me exactly where I need to go. So, as I have been surrendering to the creative process these last twenty seven days, I am closer to doing the same in my life. Though, damn! It can get stormy out here. Thankfully (so thankfully) we have each other to hold us upright when those winds get howling. I am forever thankful for that.
In Rachel Awe's beautiful words, though you never never know all the steps, you must learn to join the dance.
Dancing? That sounds like fun. Wanna tango?
P.S: My poem Living Piece of Art is featured in Sprout, a new online magazine. It's really beautifully done--so much wisdom and healing in its bright, colorful pages. Click here to check it out.