Okay. So. I'm not sure where to begin, really. There has been so much lately. So much clearing, aching, stuff that wants so much to be healed and let go of forever. There has been longing, softness, releasing, breathing. There has been a deep knowing that I cannot carry the old anymore, that the patterns/stories/fears that have had me all knotted up forever, have to march on. There have been deep, deep heart connections. Vivid, nighttime dreams. There have been lots of healing tears. And poetry. Family time, friend time, quiet time to sit and sit and breathe and wonder at it all.
And poetry. Did I mention poetry? There has been something happening with me & poetry lately--it seems that I can't stop writing it. And I don't want to stop. I want to let it come and sit and stay. I want to breathe it in and let it curl up beside me. I want to dream it and let it dream me.
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon something that continues, on a daily basis, to awe me. Via beautiful J's site, I discovered this woman.And can I just say, wow. If you venture over to her site, I won't have to say anything more. She writes a poem a day and they seriously knock the wind out of me (in a really good way). Her poems have a way of shifting something inside, like, when you flip something sideways and see it from a whole different perspective. I walk away wowed and changed somehow.
With some hesitation around this (the hugeness of the commitment has felt quite daunting--but not nearly as daunting as not committing), I've decided. I will write a poem a day. Not for my usual 41 days--that feels too temporary. But for the entire year.
I'm thinking about it like this....I want this to become a practice, like breathing deeply. I want this to be an integration of all the other 41 day practices I've done in the past. I want, each day, to sit and breathe and open and allow something to move through me. And I want to capture that something with words. Words that I will write down in my little leather journal, words that I will sometimes come here and share with you. I want this to help me become quieter, more attentive to the gifts,the beauty, the longing, more present & mindful. I want it to fill me up and quiet me at the same time. I want it to help me shed what no longer serves me. I want it to help me become more awake. I want to do this, not with the intention of fixing anything, but with the intention of being with all of it exactly as it is.
On New Year's Day, my family and I did something we've never done before. We put our swimsuits on and headed to our local aquatic center where we plunged into a very very cold pool of water. On my way down the really twisty slide, before I hit the shock of cold that left me gasping and exhilarated, I knew this was my way. My way of deciding to do it differently, of letting go, letting go, letting go of the old and stepping into the brand NEW. That cold water riveted me awake. Awake and at peace, this is the way I want to live.