Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Monday, March 5, 2012

My Leap of Faith


"There is no risk free life. You only get to choose which risk you’ll take. I say--bet on the sure thing.  Bet on love. Spend your life on faith. Take the road that makes you stronger. Going after things you want, whether or not you get them, makes you stronger."    Tama Kieves


Gorgeous image found on my beautiful friend Alia's Facebook page



Maybe I'm just completely, totally, utterly naive. Stupid, even.

Or maybe I'm listening to a voice deep within me that knows something my little brain can't possibly comprehend.  

Or maybe I'm delusional, totally insane.

Or maybe I'm honoring myself, my deepest parts, in a way that is so painfully overdue, so preciously authentic, so exactly what I need. Maybe this is the only way I can do it.  Maybe, no matter what happens, this listening, this honoring, this letting go and opening, this falling back on faith is all that truly matters.  

Maybe I should have scoured every possibility out there to BE "SURE" I was making the "right" decision.

Or maybe I can trust that I already know, that it's not so much about the exact decision I make but about me stepping, boldly...softly, with both feet, with the whole of myself.  Maybe it's about knowing, trusting, that, regardless of any outcome, I can handle it.  That I can more than handle it...that I will learn and thrive and rock whatever happens.  

I did something on Friday that, to some, may seem totally impractical/misguided/idiotic.  

I made the decision to withdraw money (that I earned while teaching 4th grade way back when) out of my IRA account (with major tax penalties, of course) so that I can move forward with self-publishing my book of poetry/art.  

After too much listening of too many limiting/constricting/doubting voices (in my head) arguing, bickering, battling over this option and that option, I DECIDED.  

I just decided 

that I'm moving forward with this no matter what.  I decided there will be no more waiting, no more looking into the infinite options out there, no more asking other's opinions, no more looking to any other to decide whether my words/art are worthy of publishing.  

I decided just to MOVE, to LISTEN to the quiet, patient, deep inside voice that was barely audible over all the rest.  I decided to listen to the one voice that spoke of possibility and trust and expansiveness and boundlessness and unfathomable magic.  The voice that kept saying--DO IT YOUR WAY, it's got to be YOUR way.  You don't have to wait anymore.

So, I'm not waiting anymore.  

Friday morning, right after I withdrew the money (with a great sense of resolve and I- want-to-shimmy kind of empowerment) I purchased a publishing package.  As my fingers were clicking away (checking off agreement boxes and entering debit card numbers and personal information), that feeling of resolve and empowerment expanded and expanded.  I felt giddy.  I felt peacefully quiet.  I felt strong.  I felt badass. I felt like high-fiving myself.  

Finally, I have made a decision.

With a magnificent feeling of resolve, I've decided to ignore the voices that insist I should be careful & play it safe.  

I've decided to seriously trust the voice that speaks of creating a life of magic and possibility.  

I've decided that a life of magic and possibility does not happen by playing it safe or by making other's opinions/thoughts/judgments more important than my own.  

I've decided that true comfort, true peace, true bliss, true love come from stepping out of my "comfort" zone and into (firmly, with the whole of my Self) my most expansive, Real, magical Self.

Regardless of what happens, regardless of any external "success," I am listening to something deep within me and I know there is nothing more important than this kind of listening.  Somehow the fact that this was an "impractical" thing to do seems important, critical even.  The impracticality of this decision, the leaping, with no idea what's on the other side, seems entirely the point. If I could see the big safety net there before I decided to leap, this wouldn't require nearly as much faith. I'm fully falling back on faith here and I am absolutely certain that this is the kind of falling that invites unfathomable magic in.

Regardless of what happens, I know that not moving, thinking I needed to scour every possible option out there, that I needed some huge sign/signal/nod of approval before I moved forward, was killing me slowly.  Keeping me small and breathless.  Sucking the life out of me.  

And I know that deciding, moving, trusting, feels like a deep, cleansing, expansive, life-giving breath of fresh air.  

I've decided that the only real safety net is faith.  The safety net is me listening to and trusting myself right now, in this very moment.  Trusting that, no matter what happens, I can more than handle it.  The safety net is me doing it my way, one baby step after another.  

This deciding, this leap of faith, feels like the greatest expression of love I can give myself.  I can't imagine anything more magical than that.

Woohoos, toasts & high-fives all around!


"Every action you take towards your dream is a brick in the temple. Every action is devotion. Every action is the opposite of dying. Every action summons the secret helpers. Every action inspires new brain chemistry and heart rhythms. Every action is an expression of love for yourself."     Tama Kieves



37 comments :

  1. Whoo hoo, indeed! Soooo proud of you (as you must be of yourself). Such exciting news - can't wait to see it!

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    1. Anne, you're awesome. Thanks for your support.

      I can't wait either!

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  2. Beautiful and empowering. I hear you so much on this.
    Sending you peace and love from the other part of the world.

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    1. Thank you, Blerta. The peace & love are fully received.

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  3. Best to you, Julia! How empowering!

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    1. JC, thank you for being here and for cheering me on along the way.

      Sending love.

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  4. can you feel my bear hug as you leap?

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    1. I can feel it, Rachel! It's wrapping me in such warmth and comfort and it's making me feel braver and more badass!

      Thank you, beautiful friend, for nudging me gently, powerfully along. I'm seriously grateful.

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  5. YAY! I'm so giddy reading this and so absolutely, positively certain that this is the right thing for you to do. Holy shit! You should see my big smile. I can't wait to hold your book in my hands, and make noise about it, and give it to friends as a gift.

    Woo-hoo! You go with your badass self! <3

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    1. J! The fact that YOU are absolutely, positively certain that this is the right thing for me to do makes ME seriously giddy! You just nudged my badass-ness up a few dozen notches. I'm not kidding.

      I love you! I adore you! I'm forever grateful for you.

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  6. So totally excited for you!!! I'm so glad you moved forward with this & that you have faith in doing so. I'm sure this will move you in so many amazing new directions. Love you xoxo,
    Amy

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    1. Sweet sister, thank you. I love that we get to share all of this beautiful, wild, crazy, amazing life stuff with each other...that's just the sweetest thing to me.

      I love you.

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  7. This gives me goosebumps of complete "knowing" that this is what is supposed to take place, right here right now.

    I am cheering over here, so confident that this decision is setting in motion a beautifully powerful ripple of energy that reaches so far and wide. Your leap of Faith invites all of us to stand beside you, join hands, and leap together. You know exactly what that leap is for me right now. :)

    I love you dearly and am just so amazed and in awe of the love and beauty that is YOU! Here with you every step of the way. xo

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    1. Beautiful friend, Alia. My insides are doing flip flops and cartwheels right now...if we were together we would be doing a giant toast in celebration of our leaps!

      I am so damn excited for you and this leap you are doing! Oh, the possibilities...we can't even fathom!

      WOO-HOOs all around!

      I love you!

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  8. I wish you could see the smile on my face! I actually jumped in my seat and made little fists that said "Yipee!!!"

    I can not wait to read your book, to have one in my hands.

    Thank you for this example of saying Yes to self, to saying Yes to what your soul knows you can do. What a great example you are...

    Sending you love and blessings... and lots of happy giggles!

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  9. Dear Deb,

    Your ongoing support and words of love & encouragement have seriously meant everything to me. I love that you jumped in your seat and said "yippee!" What pure sweetness.

    Thank you.

    Sending love, blessings and giggles right back to you!

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  10. Well done Julia. Sometimes you just have to trust, have faith in yourself and do what you want to do.

    It is better do it and see what happens rather than to never have done it.

    Good luck!

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    1. Thank you, Stacey. I so appreciate your words today.

      With love,

      Julia

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  11. Woo-hoo! You are a raging badass. Those moments when we realize we can give ourselves permission, give ourselves what we most want, stop waiting for something to happen and happen, are such a rush. As soon as you talked about this book, I could already see it, as if it's already fully formed, floating in space just waiting for you to embody it, manifest it, like it's been there all along just waiting for you.

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    1. I LOVE that you called me a "raging badass," Jill! And the reason you can see that I'm a "raging badass" is because you are one too!

      There is so much energy in your words, in YOU, and I feel every bit of it and appreciate them/you SO much. And I love that you can already see my book...oh, do I love that. Your seeing helps me to see it better.

      Thank you a million times for being here with me. I so adore you.

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  12. Yay!!! I'm so happy for you and so excited for you and so proud of you and so inspired by you!

    By taking action, you no longer live in the world of "What ifs." By listening to your inner voice, you have opened up your world to what is - what has always been - and what will always be.

    "I've decided that the only real safety net is faith."

    So beautiful. Goosebumps.

    I'm so, so proud of you, dear Julia. You have done it. You have stepped into yourself. You are soaring.

    Sending you so much love.

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    1. Jodi, you have been such an angel in my day today. Thank you for knowing just what I needed and for being here to listen and hold my hand and cheer me on. I love that we are leaping together, side by side, trusting, leaning into this whole wild process.

      Thank you for your love & support, my friend.

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  13. HI Julia,

    I “commented” earlier and must not have hit the publish button. So, let’s see, what did I write ...

    The greatest gift we can give to ourselves is listening to our heart’s deepest desires, leaping fearlessly and doing so without regret, feeling it, believing it, seeing it, doing whatever it takes to make it happen. You are officially an awesome badass.

    I am so looking forward holding your book in my hands and taking in each an every one of your beautiful words.

    Julia, be proud, very proud.
    XOXO

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    1. "The greatest gift we can give to ourselves is listening to our heart’s deepest desires, leaping fearlessly and doing so without regret, feeling it, believing it, seeing it, doing whatever it takes to make it happen."

      Oh, Eydie, how true these words are and they are just the words I needed to hear today. You are such a sweet supportive person in my life, I truly treasure you.

      Thank you so much for lifting me up today.

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  14. WOOHOOO Julia! Congratulations on making this decision. What a wonderful and inspiring post. Thank you. I love your poem from a previous post...am looking forward to knowing the title! I will await the surprise. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. Dear Kim,

      I am very much looking forward to revealing the title!

      Thanks so much for your support & for being here.

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  15. yes yes YES!
    this is so exciting!
    so empowering (for all of us reading along too!!!)
    so inspiring!!!
    I am sure this is just the beginning of amazing movement towards your dreams, the book for sure, but also so much more

    I am bubbling with possibility....what will my big leap look like? when will I be ready? what will follow?

    thank you for sharing and best of luck!!

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    1. Christy! Your words are so totally energizing! I agree, I think this is the beginning of so much goodness....

      I love that you are bubbling with possibility! I sense that you are very much already following...it's all so exciting, isn't it?

      Best of luck to you too!

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    2. oh thank you dear one! thank you!!!! off to do more bubbling!!!!!

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  16. Brava, Julia, and congratulations on taking this big step, and the next, and the one after that.

    Huge love to you...

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    1. Huge love right back to you, Christa. Thank you for being by my side through it all...

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  17. Julia, this post gave me goosebumps and shivers of joy all over my body. I am so, SO happy for you - so proud, SO inspired. I can't even put it into words. You are so right on, so wise, so full of love and light and divinity. Eeeek I am so happy for you!! All I can say is YAY! I cannot wait to read your book and treasure it for years to come and share it with all of my friend, family, and clients. You have so fully inspired me to listen to my heart. Always, always listen to your heart. What is life if we aren't following our passion, our love, and our inner wisdom and desires? I am so excited for you! You go, girl!

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  18. Here I am, comment number 34... you know Julia, you are so effing inspirational. And YES. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. High five yourself all the way through the publishing process, because the beige army will always 'advise' you to play it safe, but who you are is so much bigger than that tiny, whiny voice of fear.

    You are sensationally talented and amazing.

    I cannot wait for your book.

    I love you.
    xxx

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  19. Beautiful Elloa. My heart is full of gratitude for you. How did I get so lucky to cross paths with this incredible woman names Elloa who fills me up and constantly reminds me of what matters.

    You are such a brave woman, I truly admire and love you.

    OMG! Your wedding day is coming SO SOON! I'm giddy-excited for you & Nige!

    Thank you for your shiny presence in my life.

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  20. wow, that's exciting. I agree sometime, you just have to go for it.

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  21. Yes, it is exciting, Keishua! And yes, this is one of those times I just have to go for it.

    Thank you for taking the time to connect, it's so appreciated.

    With love,

    Julia

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia