Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Precious Life

“When you are praising, when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous, when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times, there IS NO RESISTANCE within you.  You are, in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are.”  ~Abraham-Hicks

"May You Wake with Gratitude" by  Lori Portka
may you wake up with gratitude

I have something I want to write about but I keep hesitating.  How can I write about something so big, so tender, so heart-melting?  But I know I need to write about it because it won't leave me.  And I think by writing about it, it will help me put things in perspective.  And maybe it will help you put things in perspective.  And I'm here to share, to move through the fear, to allow this living to open me, to come out on the other side with a heart more awake--more alive.

So, here goes...

Someone very near and dear to me has gone from being a young, active, moving, grooving person to not being able to breathe on her own.  Walking, anything that requires movement, is a major strain, she is on oxygen 24 hours a day, she gets nose bleeds at night because she's on oxygen 24 hours a day.  She has weekly doctor's visits which, last week, resulted in her being admitted to the hospital. She's lost weight and more weight, she can no longer shop in a grocery store or drive without help.  She no longer enjoys eating because food doesn't taste good (due to all of the medication she's on).  

After years of not being able to pinpoint what's going on, the doctors have finally concluded that she has Pulmonary Hypertension and the only thing that can save her life at this point is to have a lung transplant.  She's exactly my age.  And she's my sweet, good-hearted, would-do-anything-for-anyone sister-in-law.  My husband's dear sister.

As I sit here and write this, I breathe deep, satisfying breaths all on my own.  My lungs open and expand, the air moves in and out with ease. I can walk with ease.  I can run and shop for my own groceries.  Food tastes good.  I am healthy and full of life.  There are so many possibilities.

Tears of gratitude fill my eyes. These moments of living are so very precious.  This breath, the one that you are breathing right now, is so very precious.  

May you wake up with gratitude
May you have the courage to follow your heart
May you see beauty every day
May you give and receive abundantly

Life is far too short to waste time doubting yourself, to hold yourself back, to press yourself down, to be ruled by rules and shoulds, to tolerate what is no longer tolerable, to care about what they will think.  Life is too short to not do that thing you know you need to do. Life is too short to blame and shame and hold grudges, to beat up on yourself.  Life is too short to worry about whether you're good enough---to live half way.  

I see so clearly that life is to be Lived with a capital L.  To embrace.  To savor.  To breathe in deeply.  To Love with the whole of ourselves.  To open and open and open.  To be the most YOU you can be.  

Do you agree?  I know my beautiful sister-in-law would.


  1. I am so hoping that she will be the exception that beats this, but as you know, I've learned the hard way, after losing someone dear, that some of us aren't meant to survive what our bodies are tackling, and that sometimes the body has to let go long before we think it should. Death this close has been my greatest teacher. There is so much wisdom in really, and I mean REALLY deciding to follow through with your soul's mission--which I believe is the same for everyone EPIC SELF-LOVE FOR SELF AND FOR OTHERS, and to show ourselves that every limitation we ever believed in was the doorway to our freedom! Sending so much love and appreciation for you and each breath, and for your dear sister-in-law, who is so in my heart.

    1. Thank you for this, Brooke.

      This: "every limitation we ever believed in was the doorway to our freedom!"

      Wow. Yes. Imagine if we all truly KNEW this?

      I hope she is the exception too.

      I love you, my precious friend.

    2. Julia and Brooke, my soul sisters, you have reminded me of what it is we are here for. Thank you for changing my life. I love you.

  2. Agreed. And amen. And I'm so sorry that all I can do is cry, and say I'm sorry, and agree to take this to heart, to keep my heart open. I wrote a blog post today that can be summed up this way, that speaks to this very thing: Life is as brutal as it is beautiful, which makes it precious. It's precious, every moment, and we are precious too.

    1. Jill. How is it that I can feel your heart right here inside of mine? What a precious gift.

      Thank you for your sweet, wholehearted openness.

  3. I've spent this evening just like so many others, reading stuff on the computer, working with photos, and just going along.

    This post is the wake up that I needed today.

    But more important than that, thank you for sharing your pain and sorrow here. For giving us the opportunity to share it with you.

    Words sort of fail me right now.

    Sending you lots of love...

    1. Deb. Your words have crawled right inside my heart.

      You are a blessing.

  4. I too am so so very sorry for your dear one, for you, and sending healing love!
    I am also thankful for the reminder to treasure each breathe, each momment....going to go now and BE with my girls, see what they are giggling about in the next room.
    So much love!

    1. Dear Christy. Thank you for sending the healing love--I can feel it.

      Savor those sweet little ones.

      Sending so much love your way.

  5. I'm so very sorry to hear about your sister in law. Oh my gosh - this must be heartbreaking for your entire family. It's definitely a great reminder that each moment that we have is a gift. I just visited a friend yesterday who is just a few years older than me and has had 3 heart attacks in the last 6 months. They aren't sure why. She is healthy in every way. It really makes me extra grateful for all that I have - especially my health. Sending you and your family love.

    1. Jodi...yes, it is such a reminder to say thank you. The gratitude has been overflowing for me lately.

      Thank you so much for your sweet thoughts. My thoughts are with your friend. Sending love and more love.

  6. Thank you for sharing this with us. Like the other commentors I'm sorry to hear she is in such pain as are all of you - this is the hard stuff.

    I've been in a fibro flair the last couple of days - working consciously to stay focused on gratitude for all of the amazing beautiful in life even in the days so filled with pain.

    In the end, all any of us have is each precious moment and for me staying in a place of gratitude when those moments are filled with pain is crucial to my wellbeing and also healing.

    Please don't forget to take care of yourself during this time - fill your cup with self-care please <3

    1. Kate. Thank you so much for coming here and leaving your words and sweet thoughts and reminding me to take care of myself. I can never have enough of those reminders.

      Each moment is so very precious. Yes.

      Blessings to you.

  7. Julia, I felt your positive and loving energy fill me up as I read this post. I also felt my heart expand with love and compassion for your beautiful sister-in-law. I'm so glad you spoke about this today. Life is to be lived with a capital L! Pushing past the fear and hesitation, those voices that accuse and ridicule, and moving toward the light where possibilities live and dreams come true.
    You are beautiful Julia <3

    1. You are beautiful right back, Leah. I just adore you and am so very grateful that we are a part of the same "tribe." I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such beauty.

      Warm hugs and so much gratitude.

  8. My heart aches so much right now, I can not imagine what Amy is going through right now. She is such a wonderful loving person. I will keep her in my prayers. Love you so much Jules <3

    1. Thank you, sweet sister. Right now Amy is hanging in there, we keep praying and loving her.

      I love you so much too. Big hugs.

  9. Julia,

    Yes, to be reminded of how precious each and every one of our beautiful lives are. To be reminded to live our lives to the fullest. To live with JOY, an open heart, and without regret.

    I am sending you and your family an abundance of LOVE and LIGHT.

    I pray for your sister in law to feel the love and support that is all around here.

    Big hugs

    1. The love and support that is all around here means so much. Thank you, Eydie. Thank you everyone-your sweet thoughts have meant so much.

      Eydie, you're an amazingly loving person-I so appreciate you. xo

  10. Dearest Julia, you have moved me to respond today. Such sadness, and such gratitude. How easy it is, if my focus isn't on Love, to forget. And how stark the contrast in living life that way.

    Thank you for lighting the way, Julia.. May your sweet sis-in-law be surrounded by love and support.

    1. Elloa! Finally, I get back here! Thank you for leaving your love in this space, I treasure it/you.

      "How easy it is, if my focus isn't on Love, to forget. And how stark the contrast in living life that way." stark the contrast. It's such a moment by moment practice to keep coming back.

      You are adored, my friend. xo

  11. Amazing how much we take for granted..and what it takes for us to see. Wishing your sister-in-law all the best...sending healing thoughts and light her way.

    1. Dear Marcie. Thank you for sending your healing thoughts and light this way--it's so appreciated.

      With love.

  12. Yes, I agree. Absolutely.

    What a bittersweet reminder this is, dear Julia. Sending love to you all, and ease on this part of the journey.


    1. Ease...ah, yes. Thank you, Christa. I cherish you.

  13. Such a difficult but lovely set of words you have left here for all of us. Thank you for being brave and kind and courageous.


What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia