Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Spinning, Returning and Everything in Between

"You can’t control what other people think about your art. Think about the part of yourself that you can control, which is your ability to be kind and loving and creative."

~ Ann Patchett, Yoga Journal


My beautiful, open-hearted friend, J, shared the above quote on her blog yesterday and I just had to steal it to share here.  You know how sometimes just the right thing/words/people, etc...come at just the right time?  Well, these words were that for me today.  Since the release of my book, I've been a whirlwind of spinning thoughts & emotions.  I'm dizzy with all the spinning.  My mind has been tossing me all over the place, launching me into the future of (not pretty) what ifs, trying to convince me that other's opinions are the most important thing of all.  

I have noticed that the more I care about something, the more the fear wants to take hold and stop me in my tracks.  It would seem that I would be in full-on celebration mode over here and, in moments, when my mind releases its death grip, I am.  But in other moments, I'm just doing all I can to 

return
to the part
that breathes
and beats and hears
and Sees
all on its very own

(From my poem "Remembering")


What's ironic (and not at all surprising) is that pretty much everything I write about speaks specifically to this--this battle between mind and heart, this choosing again and again to return to what really matters.  It is so true that we "teach" what we most need to learn.  Thankfully, I have this solid, internal well to come back to, thankfully, I can always take deep, cleansing breaths.  Thankfully, I can always pray and say thank you, thankfully, I am surrounded by beautiful people/angels who care and hold my hand when the ground starts to tremble beneath me.  

One thing I know with absolute certainty is that nothing real can be threatened and that what can be threatened isn't real.  I know that as long as my self worth depends on whether someone approves or not, I will be endlessly and painfully tossed around.  As long as my self worth depends on anything that happens, deep inner peace will elude me.

So, I'll say the same thing I say over and over and over again (because I really need reminding)....the practice is to keep coming back to this deep, knowing, unchangeable, boundless inner place.  To keep breathing.  To keep returning to that part of myself that I can control, to the part that has the ability to be kind and loving and creative.  

Whew.  So, this is where I am right now.

I keep thinking about something and I want to throw it out there now...often I find myself wondering what goes on behind the scenes of other's creations and I find myself wanting to ask them so many questions. So, rather than leaving it all a great big mystery, I would love to answer any questions any of you might have about what's been going on behind the scenes over here.  If you are curious, if you have any questions for me, I would really enjoy answering them.  So, ask away.  I'm thinking it would be fun to answer at least one a week.  You can either include your question below in the comments or email them to me at juliafeh@yahoo.com.  This will be fun.

Thank you all, always, for your support.  It is seriously precious to me.

With love,

Julia


11 comments :

  1. Julia... I had to head over here as soon as I saw you'd posted. And my goodness - I can literally feel myself landing back in my body, back on this Victorian tub chair with the fairy lights on the desk - back in this moment. Tonight I received an email which has set my head spinning and my stomach churning - and then I read your words:

    "One thing I know with absolute certainty is that nothing real can be threatened and that what can be threatened isn't real. I know that as long as my self worth depends on whether someone approves or not, I will be endlessly and painfully tossed around. As long as my self worth depends on anything that happens, deep inner peace will elude me."

    THANK YOU with all my heart. Whether I am doing the 'right' thing or living in la-la land right now, it doesn't matter, because nothing real can be threatened. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I am here to be of service.
    Much love,
    Elloa x

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    1. Elloa...how could I love you more? My heart just fills up when I think that something I wrote helped land you back into your beautiful self, your beautiful life. I light up every time I see you here in this space, every time you send YOU my way.

      Love and more love,

      Julia

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  2. Whew, there is such a beautiful energy here, swirling around us. So much movement right now! I love this post. I could feel the river rushing right under you, carrying you, and even though there is a slight bit of fear in how big and fast the rapids could get, there is a definite feeling that you are going on the ride anyway. I am riding with you, and so thankful that we don't have to do this alone! Here is to this amazing love that we are so ready to hold as real, and here to stay.

    For anyone needing that little extra nudge to get Julia's book. I've seen it. I've held it in my hands. It is beautiful and precious, and deep and transformative, just like Julia's heart. There is an essence that speaks to you of something beyond words--like Rumi. Take a piece of her heart, and feel your world expand.

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    1. Wow, Brooke...I don't have words to convey how deeply this touched me. You are such an angel in my life. Lucky, lucky me.

      Loving you so.

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  3. It is comforting, isn't it, that so much of who we think we are actually operates on its own agenda and using its own incomprehensible intelligence (for instance, the heart and the lungs). And what "I" actually am is an unknowable mystery and that is interestingly comforting as well.

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    Replies
    1. Chris, this is so beautifully said. It is most definitely a comfort...the sun will still shine without our hand in things, our hearts will continue to beat (or not)...it all just works so preciously all on its own.

      Thank you for your words and presence here.

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  4. I can't tell you how much your words resonate with me. Altho I don't comment often..I do follow what it is you bravely..boldly..put out there. Our paths and journeys appear to be so similar. I'm inspired by the book you've put together and created..the continued belief in yourself and that - in spite of the fear and resistance and all else that we all feel - you did it!

    In the meanwhile - I tried to order a copy..and am getting turned away...somehow getting stuck in trying to pay. Would love a copy - if there was a way.

    Thank-you for the gift of you!

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  5. Dear Marcie, thank you so so much for these words. Knowing that my words resonate and may have something to do with others feeling the fear and doing it anyway means everything to me. I so appreciate you taking the time to connect.

    As for you having trouble with Etsy/Paypal--hmmm. I just hopped over there and went through the whole process to see if I could find out what the problem was but it took me right through with no problem. I'm going to go ahead and outline the steps here and see if this helps...

    1) Click on image of book
    2) Click on "add to cart"
    3) Click on "check out with Paypal)
    4) Register on Etsy or sign in if you're already registered
    ..this will take you right to the Paypal page. At this point you can either sign in and click on "log in" (assuming you have a Paypal account) or click below where it says "Don't have a Paypal account"
    5) This should take you right to the page where you fill out your credit card info/shipping address, etc..

    ***Please let me know if this helps. Or, if not, would you let me know where exactly you are getting stuck so I can (hopefully) fix whatever the issue is!

    I'm so sorry if this has been a big pain for you!

    Thanks so much, Marcie!

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  6. My dear sweet Julia, this post holds so many beautiful truths...a feast of light for my soul. Since publishing my first novel I have found that if I'm not careful I go up and down with sales. I love what you wrote Julia, I intend to keep it close by so when I'm tempted to put too much emphasis on sales and other's opinions, your words will draw me back to my peaceful center.

    I just love this:

    "One thing I know with absolute certainty is that nothing real can be threatened and that what can be threatened isn't real. I know that as long as my self worth depends on whether someone approves or not, I will be endlessly and painfully tossed around. As long as my self worth depends on anything that happens, deep inner peace will elude me."

    I just love you!!

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  7. Leah. You've totally brightened my day by coming here. You are such a beautiful woman.

    Thank you.

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  8. I love you so dearly. I am here beside you, celebrating and feeling the birth of your dream. You are the essence of Love, Truth, and everything authentic. You always bring me back to what is real and important in my life. Thank you for the gift of you. xo

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia