Hummingbird Joy

"The world will demand a reasonable answer of you.  Others around you will want a predictable map of your intentions and plans.  They want to hear about your research and projections, not your latest angel sighting, coaching session, or meditation.  And you will be standing there with some hummingbird joy that you can't explain and that you can't dismiss.  You will also know that if you turn away from this sweetness in favor of reason, you will lose your way to everything you believe in and resign yourself to a shell of a life, haunted by the life you've denied.  Let me cut to the chase and save you sweat, wasted potential, and years.  It's worth a bit of discomfort to feel more infinitely alive than you ever thought possible.  "  Tama Kieves (from her seriously amazing book Inspired & Unstoppable)

We are standing in an empty room - the two of us side by side, our feet firmly planted on hardwood floors. I am noticing the about-to-bloom tree outside the window, sunlight coming through, my beating heart.  I see that I have the ability to choose - always the ability to choose.  I say these words to her beautiful, open eyes - her listening face, I say something like this:   

I see clearly that one choice steps us backwards toward fear, constriction, smallness - another toward possibility, faith, expansion - love.  

As we stand there, all parts of me start to tremble with a knowing that we have to do this, we have to step toward expansion and faith - we have to choose to listen to this love-voice, not the fear-voice.  I feel brave and scared shitless at the same time.  

We get to choose.

It doesn't make any logical sense to do this.  We don't even have a plan or clients or money, really.  But rent is cheap and Starbucks is right downstairs, the river only a few blocks away, and there's something about these hardwood floors and the fact that this landlord feels more like our guardian angel than a business man trying to rent us office space. And it's her standing there, my forever friend - the friend that has helped me to see, the friend that has been willing, always willing, to trudge through sticky, tangled mess with me, the hand-holding friend that always, always, walks her brave self with me to the other side.  

And we have a vision - a vision that feels way more important than a plan.  A vision of a space that feels more like a breath than an office, a vision of flowing water and sea green walls, comfortable chairs - sunlight pouring in, a fully bloomed tree.  

We have a vision of reminding others to breathe, reminding others that the answers are in their insides.  We have a vision of joyful sweetness, deep Source connections.  

A vision we trust more than a plan.

What will my husband think?  How will we get clients?  How will I explain this plan-less thing we're doing?  What if it doesn't work?  We might just be crazy.

We don't have reasonable answers but we're standing there with some kind of hummingbird joy we can't possibly explain.  Inexplicable joy we wouldn't trade for anything.  

We hear ourselves say yes and the landlord who we haven't yet given money to, the gray-haired man before us who we've decided has walked down straight from the clouds, hands us a key.  Our key that unlocks our door to our new office. 

Our key to hummingbird possibility.  

This is what I've been doing lately.  Saying YES without a plan, saying YES before I have any idea of the hows, saying YES despite trembling fear.  

There is this part of me feeling trembling fear and this other part moving toward anyway, deciding that it's all (as Marie Forleo says) "figureoutable."  

There is squirming fear and discomfort and not knowing how but showing up and watching myself as I record a guided meditation for my upcoming "Getting Naked" class that flowed straight through without a plan or a knowing how. I simply closed my eyes, decided to trust something beyond the trembling fear and it just came through, it seriously just came through. 

There is this squirming fear and discomfort and not knowing how but then watching myself figure out how to upload videos, create a Paypal button, create a website banner - write from a place deep inside me.  I didn't know where to begin, I didn't know how, but I began anyway. 

I feel more fear than I ever have before but there is this hummingbird knowing, this hummingbird joy I wouldn't trade for anything. I am humbled & in awe.

Life.

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P.S:  If you haven't already signed up for my upcoming class "Getting Naked:  Shed the excess.  Return to YOU," I so hope you'll join me and the other beauties who are joining me.  There are seven days left to grab the special early sign up price of & 44.00.  Click HERE to read more & to sign yourself up.  I have a very good feeling about this.