Oregon Coast Beauty
A couple of weeks ago, while listening to an old, bearded man play guitar and sing the most gorgeous, soul-stirring music, I texted the following words to my dear friend, Brooke:
How can I be enjoying myself so much but still be feeling SO much fear?
And she wrote this back to me:
Even if you can't feel it, I know you are surrounded by magic. It isn't about hammering out this class, it's about feeling the magic in this moment. If you do that, even for a small second, it is enough.
Don't be tempted to be distracted by little you. Trade your little glory for the bigness of God's.
Can I just say, wow.
This is one of those moments when the support of another dear soul meant absolutely everything.
There was a part of me sitting there at the Drift Inn in Yachats, Oregon, watching as the Pacific Ocean showed off its glory, listening to this dear man sing his heart out, while feeling the heaviest, most trembling fear - a fear that really felt like it could break me. Fear was saying things like: What if this class isn't enough for people? How are you going to make it really "good"? You should be working right now instead of sitting here in a pub listening to music.
There I was with these fearful thoughts spinning me into breathlessness, while my eyes spilled over with emotion for what that godly ocean, that man's voice was stirring in me.
I think this speaks to the human condition. There can be great beauty and great pain simultaneously - we can feel both at once. We can show up full of courage, fully knowing the rightness of something, and shaking with fear at the same time.
What matters is which part we choose to listen to, which part we allow to run the show - whether we allow those voices of fear to stop us in our tracks or choose to move anyway.
After this beautiful musician man (aka - magician man) finished his last song, I ignored the voice telling me I should get back to work, and instead followed the knowing nudge that said very clearly: Go talk to him. Within a couple of minutes of conversation about music and passion and pain and life, he said these words to me:
Once I came to Yachats, everything changed. Rather than getting caught up in trying to be successful, I got in touch with something much bigger - my music then became about connecting with this bigger, it became a way to give thanks. It's all about giving thanks.
Talk about trading my little glory for the bigness of God (and when I say God, I'm really saying LOVE). I'm seriously blown away and so humbled. No amount of "working on my class" could have filled me the way that interaction with that man at that time could have.
It turns out that all I needed to do that evening, was show up fully for what was right in front of me - the rest was taken care of by Grace.
I'm getting more and more deeply that no amount of "success," no amount of outside approval, no amount of doing, can ever fill us the way showing up fully, showing up for love can.
Here's a question for you:
How can you trade your little glory for the bigness of God/Love today?
I'm getting more and more deeply that our little glory is shallow and fleeting. It's the bigness of God/Source/the Divine/Love that I'm interested in.