Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Bigness of God


Oregon Coast Beauty

A couple of weeks ago, while listening to an old, bearded man play guitar and sing the most gorgeous, soul-stirring music, I texted the following words to my dear friend, Brooke:

How can I be enjoying myself so much but still be feeling SO much fear?

And she wrote this back to me:

Even if you can't feel it, I know you are surrounded by magic.  It isn't about hammering out this class, it's about feeling the magic in this moment.  If you do that, even for a small second, it is enough.  

Don't be tempted to be distracted by little you.  Trade your little glory for the bigness of God's.

Can I just say, wow.

This is one of those moments when the support of another dear soul meant absolutely everything.

There was a part of me sitting there at the Drift Inn in Yachats, Oregon, watching as the Pacific Ocean showed off its glory, listening to this dear man sing his heart out, while feeling the heaviest, most trembling fear - a fear that really felt like it could break me.  Fear was saying things like:  What if this class isn't enough for people?  How are you going to make it really "good"? You should be working right now instead of sitting here in a pub listening to music.

There I was with these fearful thoughts spinning me into breathlessness, while my eyes spilled over with emotion for what that godly ocean, that man's voice was stirring in me.

I think this speaks to the human condition.  There can be great beauty and great pain simultaneously - we can feel both at once.  We can show up full of courage, fully knowing the rightness of something, and shaking with fear at the same time.

What matters is which part we choose to listen to, which part we allow to run the show - whether we allow those voices of fear to stop us in our tracks or choose to move anyway.

After this beautiful musician man (aka - magician man) finished his last song, I ignored the voice telling me I should get back to work, and instead followed the knowing nudge that said very clearly:  Go talk to him.  Within a couple of minutes of conversation about music and passion and pain and life, he said these words to me:

Once I came to Yachats, everything changed.  Rather than getting caught up in trying to be successful, I got in touch with something much bigger - my music then became about connecting with this bigger, it became a way to give thanks. It's all about giving thanks.

Talk about trading my little glory for the bigness of God (and when I say God, I'm really saying LOVE).  I'm seriously blown away and so humbled.  No amount of "working on my class" could have filled me the way that interaction with that man at that time could have.

It turns out that all I needed to do that evening, was show up fully for what was right in front of me - the rest was taken care of by Grace.

I'm getting more and more deeply that no amount of "success," no amount of outside approval, no amount of doing, can ever fill us the way showing up fully, showing up for love can.

Here's a question for you:

How can you trade your little glory for the bigness of God/Love today?  

I'm getting more and more deeply that our little glory is shallow and fleeting. It's the bigness of God/Source/the Divine/Love that I'm interested in.

You?

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P.S:  There is still time to sign up for my  Getting Naked class (starting May 6th)!  There is the most gorgeous/tender/soulful group of women that have already signed up.  It's going to be a beautiful, transformative 40 days, I just know it.  Wanna join us?





16 comments :

  1. Wow, I absolutely enjoyed this!! I was very recently in a similar situation - where I had to give a session that I really DEEPLY cared about, and I was trying so hard to think about every single detail and trying to perfect everything..up until the last night before the session, when I just decided to surrender..surrender to the love, to the faith that my love and the willingness to serve the people hearing my session, will be enough. And it turned out to be just so:)
    Thanks for this post; I especially loved the "The bigness of God" phrase, so powerful!

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    1. Ah, yes, Blerta...I know of what you speak of so well. And ultimately, I know that surrendering, turning it over to something beyond this it's-never-enough-me is the only way I want to live, the only way that brings peace.

      Thank you so much for showing up here with me. I so appreciate you taking the time to connect.

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  2. Yes, yes, and amen. My theory is that fear means one of two things: real danger that you need to flee (we don't experience this one as often), or more likely it means that you are exposing your heart, offering the most tender and vulnerable part of yourself and there is a real risk that you will be wounded, hurt. It's shaky and raw and real. What you are saying about your class makes me think of some of my favorite song lyrics, from "The Have Nots" by Danielle Ate the Sandwich, "I am not writing these things to be difficult / I am just trying to find what I'm searching for / I am not writing these things to be difficult / I am just giving them up as an offering." It's going to be amazing, every bit as tender and shaky and strong and messy as your heart.

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    1. Goosebumps all over. Jill, you always know just what to say & I really couldn't appreciate it/you more. I absolutely love the lyrics to that song, so resonant & beautiful.

      And I love what you said about fear... "It's shaky and raw and real." Yes, it is. Thank you for getting it, for comforting me with your loving words & presence.

      LOVE to you, dear one.

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  3. What Jill said. :)

    And this: As I read this post, i thought of all the examples of ordinary beautiful in my life that is - as you say - utterly magical and transformative, if I just take the time to pay attention to it.

    I love this: "I'm getting more and more deeply that no amount of 'success,' no amount of outside approval, no amount of doing, can ever fill us the way showing up fully, showing up for love can."

    In fact, I'm going to go post that right now. xo

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    1. I know, J. I'm amazed by the amount of ordinary beauty/magic that we walk by every day, in every moment, really, without taking even a second to notice...the sky (holy shit!), a single tree, a single leaf on a single tree, the wing of a bird, a cloud, our child's eyes.

      I think if we took the time to slow down and REALLY look our little minds would be blown the hell away. There is no room for little mind in the bigness of the godly.

      Whew. And wow.

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  4. Julia,
    This is so moving, so true, so very beautiful, and a message I personally needed to read today. The magic. The choices we make. The bigness of God's glory. The vulnerability of being ourselves. Once again, your words have blessed me today. I'm so looking forward to the class.

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    1. Yes Deb. "The bigness of God's glory," it's beyond comprehension, isn't it?

      The other day as I was taking a walk, I stopped and just looked up at the forest of trees all around me...I got choked up standing there taking in the bigness, feeling totally humbled and beyond-words grateful. This world we live in is utterly amazing.

      I adore you, Deb, and am just so grateful our paths have crossed.

      (((LOVE))))

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  5. Oh friend. There is not enough space to express all the ways this moves me. I have just experienced a weekend all about this very thing. I love this concept - trading your little glory for the bigness of God's - and when we do that, when we know the glory of God, that love - we are changed, and it all becomes about gratitude. So proud of you for the way you are so faithfully putting one foot in front of the other to do those amazing thing, while recognizing it's bigger than yourself/your ego/your "success." You are going the way of grace and love...what blessing, what joy!

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    1. Precious Ashley...the way you show up with the whole of yourself - with gentleness & courage, the way you lean in and listen hard, the way you soften and bend toward love is beyond beautiful to watch.

      Thank you for showing me how it's done, for blessing my life with the full YOU-ness of YOU.

      I'm so grateful.

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  6. This speaks to everything I am working on and avoiding right now! This is BIG HUGE stuff that I must DO now!!!! Your words speak to my core and I feel supported in moving forward!!!

    THANK YOU DEAR ONE!

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    1. You make me smile, Christy...we seem to always be working on the same tings - knowing this is a comfort. xo

      So happy this spoke to your beautiful core.

      Sending tons of love your way.

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  7. Sweet Julia, I'm finally "here"--ready to sign up for your wonder-full class . . .I'd talked to you earlier about being able to still sign up at the $55 special rate, which Paypal wouldn't let me do a week or so ago . . . but when I just went to sign up, all that showed was the regular $65 rate . . . and I hesitated . . . but then Grace whispered, "fear not, dear one . . sign up NOW . . I provide all you need, including the money for this class." So, here I go now, to FREELY and joyfully sign up for Getting Nekkid!! oops, that's Getting Naked! :)

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    1. Maureen, I've already sent you an email expressing my total excitement that you will be joining us but it's worth saying again!

      YAY!

      I'm so very happy, so honored...

      Love to you, beautiful woman.

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  8. Julia, I loved this post. It reminded me of myself about a month ago. I was scheduled to do my first reading at a local book store and I was more than a little nervous. I had never read out loud to a crowd before. Actually, I hadn't read out loud since my children were little, and I was so afraid of failure. But then love sent me a message about having everything I need inside of me, just waiting to be used...and I believed it.

    The reading was amazing! The people were drawn in and responded in such a supportive and loving way. When I was up there in front of them I felt empowered...like I was doing EXACTLY what I was meant to be doing.

    Your class is going to be everything it needs to be. Each soul will participate and add their hearts to the mix and then PRESTO! Magic will happen.

    Sending a big hug and so so so much love.
    Leah

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    1. Leah...I couldn't love you more. These words from you feel like a warm, soft blanket that I am wrapping around me, nestling up to.

      You are a blessing, just such a HUGE blessing in my life.

      Ah...and that LOVE sent you a message. Oh goodness. That's priceless, Leah. I'm so very happy you listened to that very important message and that you let yourself shine up there. (How could you not?) You do have it all inside and how beautiful it is in there.

      Thank you for these words, they have blessed me this evening in the sweetest of sweet ways.

      Deep breaths...

      Thank you, precious woman.

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia