|Art by Lori Portka|
It's taken me all day long to get to the point where I'm actually sitting down to write - whew! It's exhausting when we resist doing what we know is good and filling. And beginning is no doubt the hardest part. When we spend endless hours thinking about that thing we know is good and filling for us, rather than just sitting down and doing that thing, we develop symptoms (as Steven Pressfield describes in his book War of Art). Gosh, is this true. The more I think about doing, rather than just doing, the more the fear/resistance builds...and then I start feeling more and more short-breathed, more and more anxious and full of doubt.
I wonder when I will learn to do the thing I'm most resisting FIRST so that I can breathe easier for the rest of the day.
As I mentioned last week, I'm going to be asking a new question here each week from Debbie Ford's book, The Right Questions. Today's really great question is:
Most of the pain we have as humans is caring so much about what others will or won't think...caring more, in fact, about what others will think than about our own precious selves.
Can you even begin to imagine the relief & release that would come if we could let go of worrying about what others may or may not think of us? If we could see that what others may or may not think is totally out of our control anyway?
I wonder how much freer I might be in my writing/painting/creating if I could decide that pleasing me, listening to me, listening to love, is far more important than listening to/pleasing another.
As I write this, I'm very aware of the voice in my head that says: But that sounds selfish, self-centered.
And to that voice, I say this:
Really? If we're doing something to please another, at the expense of ourselves - with hope of getting back their love & approval - is this really serving?
Are we doing anyone any favors if we're giving from a place of hold back/hesitation/weakness? If we give from a place of weakness or neediness - because we want another's approval, what good are we doing?
I'm beginning to see that when I give from this true me place, it always serves others (even if it doesn't immediately look that way).
When I put others' needs before my own, when I give to them before I've given to myself, I feel disempowered and small. When I forget to fill myself first, I look to others to fill me (which really isn't even possible).
I see clearly that nothing I receive from another will ever fill the empty places. Only I can do that.
Only my connection to this holy place inside of me can do that.
When others give to me when I'm feeling connected and centered, it feels like an added bonus, like added sparkle - rather than like something I think I need.
And then the symptoms come.
When I allow this disempowered voice to run the show, when I try to please others rather than standing rooted in my power, I feel anxious, held back, afraid, needy, not free.
And when I'm full, I don't need anything from anyone. Ironically, this is when my creations seem to please the most people.
So now I ask you....