Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

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Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Faith or Fear?


Art by Flora Bowley


Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

I'm feeling so much fear as I sit down to write this (and ongoing theme for me - yes).  Do I really have anything to say?  What if the words come out dry, dull - boring?  What if people are tired of me? What if I come across as woowoo and weird?

Here's a good question...

Why do my what ifs so often (almost always) lean toward limitation, lack, self-criticism, not enough, worry over what others will or won't think?

Why can't my what ifs be more abundant and happy?  Like, what if my words could flow with ease & grace?  What if what comes is exactly what needs to come?  What if expressing myself today leads to a feeling of release and relief, not only for me but for someone else? What if my freedom of expression is way, way more important than what others will or won't think?  What if I could simply show up with LOVE rather than worrying about "good." What if this could be fun and light?  What if I could stop thinking so much and open to, have faith in, magic and abundance?  What if my simple voice, just how it is, really is enough?

The above question (the one at the very top of this page) is one of the ten questions that Debbie Ford explores in her book, The Right Questions, and is one that I'm constantly asking myself.   Over and over again, in my busy, little head - in those deep, quiet places inside my heart - I ask myself...Does this action, step, decision, move me toward love/faith/trust or does it sink me deeper into fear?  

Yesterday, my dear friend Brooke & I sat outside in the sunshine at one of our favorite cafes.  We drank coffee and talked and listened.  We laughed because the wisdom we were passing on to the other was exactly the wisdom we ourselves needed to hear.  We talked about pain and fear and what holds us back. We talked about how containing our sweet voices, how holding back out of fear, hurts like hell - how we can't do it anymore. We helped each other come up with steps that would lead us toward faith/love, rather than staying stuck in the muck of our exhausted minds. We talked about the inspired nudges we've been getting and how our minds have talked us out of following them and how it hurts like hell not to follow the nudges. We talked about how we resist the very things we know will move us forward.

We talked about how tired we are of hurting like hell.

By the end of our time together, we decided to do one thing every day that moves us out of fear and toward our love, our passion - our callings.  My take home action step was to record a video of me talking about my Getting Naked class to share publicly (here on my blog, on Facebook, etc...).  Holy yikes! did that feel scary.

So, yesterday afternoon, after numerous technical issues, too much listening to the terrified, anxious voices that insisted creating a video really wasn't necessary, a few frantic texts to Brooke expressing my frustration/fear, I managed to record the below video.  I think this is the first video of me that I've shared on this blog and I feel completely naked sharing it here.  But, despite the naked, trembly vulnerability of putting myself out there in this way, there is a knowing that holding myself back out of fear (of what they may think, of looking stupid, etc...) is the most painful pain of all.

Besides, I can't lead a class of beauties through fear, if I am hiding behind the heavy of my own.

“There is an oasis of the heart that can never be reached by a caravan of thinking.” —Gibran

So, here I am having faith that I, just the way I am, am enough.  Here I am letting go of perfection (there are so many things my mind keeps telling me I should fix about myself, about my video). Here I am taking a step toward faith, rather than allowing my voice to be squashed by the weight of my scared, little-me thoughts. Here I am, moment by moment, choosing to be lead by that oasis of the heart rather than by that caravan of thinking.

What are you choosing, dear heart?  Faith or fear?

Every new moment is an opportunity to choose again.





Click HERE to find out more Getting Naked.  Registration is now open for the upcoming class which begins on October 21st.

Wanna get naked with me?






8 comments :

  1. Absolutely everything you create and share with the world is directly from Spirit, and penetrates my heart and soul in ways nothing else does. You are a gift to the world, dear Julia. Please remember this always. Loving you so dearly.

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    1. Alia, this love note from you is a gift I'm holding close. You have such a way of opening my heart and helping me remember what matters.

      I love you.

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  2. you always inspire me, julia. i was amazed at how much you reminded me of beautiful debbie ford in this video. i'm working on getting past a lot of things before i can post a video on my blog, and this has moved me one step closer. thank you.=)

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    1. Sweet Kelli, thank you so much for stopping by - it's always such a treat to see you here.

      So interesting that I reminded you of Debbie Ford (especially considering that it's her questions I've been exploring/pondering). What a beautiful force for good she was/is.

      I'm sending so much love your way as you move through what's holding you back and share your beautiful self more fully.

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  3. I LOVE watching you on film! And I can attest to the magic that happens in your Getting Naked class, to the little miracles of unfolding that happened there every day.

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    1. J! I love that you love watching me on film!

      Thank you for being one of my little miracles.

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  4. Julia, I love your nakedness, your vulnerability and your willingness to step into your fear.

    Thank you for being a powerful teacher to me. Funny how each of us has our big *yikes* thing. For me, video is easy, but posting poetry? Oh, that is so hard.

    I love you. xx

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    1. Elloa, it is funny how what's *yikes* to you is different from what's *yikes* to me...fear has so many sneaky ways of showing up - it's very creative (and a huge pain in the ass!) that way.

      Thank you for your love & support, Elloa - my life would not be the same without you in it. You bring so much richness...

      I love you back.

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What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia