Life is not a straight line. It's a downpour of gifts, please – hold out your hand

Thank you for being here. I'm so glad you're here.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Child of Wonder

"Something magical happens once we commit to allowing our divine selves to guide us.  We begin to view the world through a pure, loving lens.  We wake up and look for the evidence of the divine working in our lives and are able to focus on what's happening in the moment rather than projecting into the future or dwelling in the past.  We look for opportunities to serve the greater whole and are willing to give up our righteous opinions and instead look for the gifts in every situation."  Debbie Ford

My divine, little Lily (in Grand Teton National Park this summer)

It seems like after writing in this space for years, I wouldn't have so much resistance (aka - fear) to coming here and writing.  But that is so not the case.

I still struggle with how to begin.  I still have a tremendously hard time trying to decide what I will focus on.  I still get shallow-breathed and afraid I have nothing whatsoever to say.  I still get up a half dozen times to do really "important" things before I finally settle in (like eat another handful of salt and vinegar Kettle Chips). I check Facebook or email (even though I just checked 28 seconds ago).  I send one more text.  I decide I really should write that email to my daughter's teacher right this very second.  I still hesitate to write certain things because I worry that certain someones might make mad fun of me behind my back.

In other words, I still meet that little, resistant pain in the butt part of me every single time I even think about doing that thing "true me" knows I must do, that thing that will propel me forward, that thing I know is good and healthy for me - that thing that I know I was put here to do.

But, thankfully, I know one way to quiet that pesky, pain in the butt part of me, and that is to BEGIN. Begin despite the trembling.  Begin despite the fear that I have nothing to say (or that I'll have nothing new to say).

And here's the thing, once my fingers start clicking keys, or putting color on canvas, once I get myself to stay still for more than four minutes at a time, the trembling inside of me quiets. I exhale, finally. I feel the sweetest kind of relief.

After a very long (and very good/full/rich/scenic summer), my girls are back at school - today is day 2 of them being back. Those of us who are stay-at-home moms know this means going from sleeping in, staying in our PJ's until noon (not every day, I swear), listening to your kids bicker and whine a good majority of the day - to getting up with an alarm clock, making lunches, trying to figure out math problems you couldn't even do 20 years ago.

Rather than dealing with the pesky voices of your children, you now get to sit in silence all day and listen to that mean one in your head (which is far meaner than your kids' voices - even at their worst).

Several posts ago, I started asking questions from Debbie Ford's book The Right Questions.  The question I'm throwing out there today - one that is perfect for me at this time of transition (which is really all the time) - is...

Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

One thing is for sure, these resistant, fault-finding, limited, crazy-making, sabotaging, whiny"tiny me" voices don't seem to be going anywhere.  But, as always, I get to choose which part of me I will allow to run the show.  

In any given moment, I can choose to listen to those voices of resistance/limitation/fear and let myself be stopped (paralyzed) by them, or I can choose to let myself be guided by those divine, magic-making whispers. When I begin (despite the trembling, gripping doubt) the noise in my head quiets and I start to feel the gentle yes of my heart, the quiet hum of possibility.

In Tama Kieve's seriously powerful & inspiring book Inspired and Unstoppable (which is really my favorite spiritual-ish book of all time), she writes of a time when doubt and fear threatened to swallow her whole, and right in the middle of her gripping fear, she plops down on the trail (where she was hiking) and these words came...

"I want to take back my power from all the myths that I've ever believed.  I want to own what is true now and come clean.  I am not a wounded daughter of a darkened family.  I am not a broken spirit raised by the sorrowful or neglectful, the tormented and the frightened.  I am a daughter of Light.  I am a child of wonder and innocence.  I am a rapturous song waiting to be sung.  I no longer need to believe in limits of any kind.  I no longer need to believe that I am small.  I am not limited by my past.  And I no longer have an identity in my past.  I came with a birthright.  I came in with a mark upon my head, a fast star upon my shoulder, a light in my eyes, a flutter in my heart.  I came in with a strength not of this world or time."

Whew & wow.

*               *               *

Below are a few additional questions (from Debbie Ford's book) that I'm asking myself (and you, dear reader) today....

What structure would you have to put in place today in order to choose a divine experience instead of a human experience?  

What support would you need to have in place in order to remember that you have a choice?  

What's going to remind you that the choice is yours every day?  

You are not broken.

You are a daughter of Light.  A child of wonder.  A rapturous song.

You are not limited by your past.  You can begin anew in this very moment.  

You get to choose.You get to choose.You get to choose.


  1. Whew and wow is right! That quote brought tears to my eyes. I can also completely relate to your thoughts on the pesky, doubtful voices we all confront in our own heads. If we allow them, they are powerful forces indeed.

    For me, those voices and my feeling that everything I put out there must be "perfect" are my biggest deterents(both of my blogs suffer from neglect because of this).

    I know I need to set aside some time every day to focus more on the divine, to quiet my mind. I've managed to do this in various ways throughout my life but right now it seems that photography has become my insight. I know the true answer is to put the "overwhelm" away and, as you mention, just BEGIN.

  2. Powerful forces indeed, Melissa!

    I think most of us suffer from thinking it all needs to be "perfect" (as if there is any such thing!)...this perfectionist thinking stomps on creativity and is so damn unhelpful!

    Here's to letting go of all that unhelpful thinking and stepping into that place of magic and wonder.

    Blessings to you.

  3. "When I begin (despite the trembling, gripping doubt) the noise in my head quiets and I start to feel the gentle yes of my heart, the quiet hum of possibility."

    Just begin.

    Reading this post reminds me so much of what we learned in the Getting Naked class, as though in this one post you gave me a recap of what really matters. I'm grateful for that.

    The questions you post at the end really have me thinking about the support I do (or do not) have, about how I can find a way to remind myself that I have a choice. I won't claim to have any answers, but rest assured the questions are going to stick in my head.

    Love you dearly..

    1. Beautiful Deb, it's so good to hear from you. I have missed this space & my precious people who come here.

      I don't have the answers either but it feels so right to keep asking the questions, to continually open to boundless possibility.

      I love you dearly right back...

  4. Julia, this post placed me in the center of a great mass of souls, standing shoulder to shoulder, asking questions, searching and seeking...and finally seeing each little bit at a time;)

    I love that I am not alone with all of my questions. That you are here. And they are here. And I am here always asking, listening, and looking for more. We're together with life in common and love calling us, asking us to "look up" and see the wonder of life and who we truly are.

    It is all about love isn't it? The movement of love in each of us inspiring our thoughts and gifts. The giving of love through actions. Thank you for writing this beautiful post. It lifted me.

    1. Yes, Leah - it's the one thing that's clear to me - It is all about love. - I'm seeing that anything minus Love, just really isn't anything.

      I too am so comforted and beyond thankful that I get to stand shoulder to shoulder with you beauties. What a blessing.

      I love you, beautiful Leah. What a gift it is that you are part of my tribe, that I am part of yours.

      Biggest hugs to you.

  5. Julia,

    This post, which I read on my phone without seeing the image of Lily, profoundly moved me. I can hear your voice in my head as I read, and I know that you are writing from the deepest depths of your heart which is so full of integrity and desire to know Love.

    And then I came here, to your space, and saw the photo of your girl, and it blew me away. She is so like you, so full of wonder and so breathtaking.

    Love always
    Elloa xx

    1. Dear, dear Elloa. These words from you, just the feeling of your presence here, gives me goosebumps all over.

      You have such a way with words - have I ever told you this? because I think of it every time I read you. Your writing gets inside me, makes me feel love in the deepest, sweetest way.

      I so appreciate you, my friend, and I hope (for all of our sakes) that you will continue to write - will continue to share your beautiful self.

      Thank you for leaving you with me...I love you so.

  6. Oh my dear Julia, your writing always has a way of lifting me up and directing me right towards the light. This blog is so beautiful and touches my very soul. Like Leah, it reminds me of our 40 days and how amazing they were. I miss our class so much.

    Your daughters are so beautiful, beautiful sweet souls just like you their, mom.

    Take care my dear friend, Sarra

    1. Pink you know how precious you are? I feel your love & it heals & nurtures me.

      Thank you for not being afraid to share your love - it is needed, my friend, & so very appreciated.

      Endless love to you.

  7. Your words always remind me of the pure love that is present right here, right now. Lily is a special soul, and she is so fortunate to have you as her mom. Such wisdom expressed here in so many ways. You are Light, beautiful Julia. You truly are. I love you beyond words.

    1. Dear Alia,

      I'll never forget that first message I received from you, sunshine traveled all the way from Bali that day. It only took a couple of love-infused words for me to know you were one of my people.

      I'm grateful beyond words for your presence, your love, in my life.

  8. Dear friend, so good to see you! That picture of your Lily...oh mercy, what tender beauty. I relate to the fear and questions and uncertainty each time I sit down to write. Each time, I fear that I won't have a thing to say. And often if I go too far in it, l think I won't have another thing to say EVER. Thank you for your honesty and for sitting in the questions -- I so appreciate that -- and for speaking definitively what you know: Love IS the everything.

    1. Ahh....Ashley. It is such a gift to have you here - I've been missing you and your words so much & must get over to your blog immediately.

      We are long overdue for another date, I would so love to sit by your side and chat an afternoon away...

      Heading over to read you now.

      Sending tons & tons more of love your way.


What are you thinking/feeling? I'd really love to know...

♥ Julia