In last week's post (in response to a beautifully healing painting date I had with myself) I wrote:
I am amazed that, even though I know how deeply healing art is for me, I would decide the product, having something "good enough" to share (or sell), having others' approval, is somehow more important than giving myself the miracle healing blessing of doing what I love.
As I talk to other amazing women around me, as I listen to people's struggles and feel their pain, I am becoming more and more aware of how much we all tend to deny ourselves the gift of doing what we love - simply because we love it. We think it's selfish to take time to feed and nurture our beautiful selves. We resist doing what brings us joy/peace, or we do what brings us joy and peace, but then become insanely attached to what happens next. When others don't respond in the way that we would like, we discount our precious selves, our precious creations.
We try to be superheros by doing more, more, more and by doing better, better, better - until - often, resentment builds and we become drained of all that makes us us. We wait around thinking (praying) that someone or something will fill the empty - that someone or something will give us what we can only give to ourselves.
I know a twelve-year-old girl, a little girl who runs cross country with my oldest daughter who, after almost every run and race, is disappointed to the point of tears. However fast she runs, on any given day - it just isn't fast enough. What started out as a simple, innocent love for running has turned into a race she can never, ever win. Someone will always, always be faster. She doesn't see that her own precious JOY is what matters and, as long as she goes on not seeing this, she will reach and struggle, she will try harder, run faster - trying to grab onto something that can never, ever be grabbed. When my daughter congratulates her after her runs, she hangs her head low. She never congratulates back. She's so disappointed in her own "not enough-ness," she's got nothing to give.
As I watch this little girl, I feel deeply saddened. And I see myself, all of us, in her. I see that as long as we make something outside of us matter more than our own joy, our own life force - we will be robbed of what matters most.
How did we ever get the idea that it's selfish to give to ourselves? That doing simply for the sake of joy is somehow not enough? How did we ever get the idea that being good/talented/the best at something - that being "successful" in the eyes of the world, is what matters most?
Imagine if it didn't have to be this way?
Imagine if we started to see that it's selfish NOT to give to ourselves - that when we rob ourselves of joy, we rob everyone of joy. That what we deny ourselves, we deny everyone. When we give and do from a place of depletion, or from a place of trying to please another, we have little of value to give.
What if we knew, really knew, that when we do something simply because it fills us/brings us joy - we always, always serve others? And that there is nothing, no thing, that matters more.
Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?
It's a good question, don't you think?
Plus, when you register, you get a signed (complimentary) copy of my poetry/art book, On the Other Side of Fear.
REGISTRATION IS NOW CLOSE FOR THIS FALL, 2013 SESSION.