Friday, January 17, 2014
"You do not want more control over your life. You want more trust. You want to know that things are moving quietly, effortlessly, fervently in your direction. You do not want to hammer down every detail. You want to be lifted into a life more beautiful than any you could manufacture." Tama Kieves
New Painting - "It's All Inside" (Print available in my Etsy shop)
I sit here on this foggy Friday morning watching the tiny squirrel outside the window nibble on some kind of nut, my eight-year-old, home with the flu for the third day in a row, lies on the couch in the room next to me watching "Thumbelina." Over the last month, the flu has made its way to every person in my family, it seems to be mocking me - saying something like - "And you thought you had control over what comes next."
More and more I see how little control I have over anything and, though part of me resists the heck out of this lack of control, the other part is learning, more and more to TRUST - to find the gifts in what seems to be going wrong. I'm learning that I really don't know anything, that so often the thing I resist (like me or my loved ones getting sick) is exactly the thing that leads to more beauty, more trust, more compassion, more soft surrender. I see that allowing for it all, the seemingly dark and heavy, as well as the light and joy-filled, is to open to a life more beautiful than I could ever possibly think up or manufacture.
Last week when I felt sicker than I've felt in a long time, I had no choice but to be still - any movement at all made me sicker. I was forced to let go of all the things I thought I needed to get done and just BE. Though a whole lot of discomfort came out of the just BE-ing, once I surrendered to what was, clarity and release came. The stiller I got, the more I could hear and feel and see that Moon Rumi speak of in the above quote. The Moon that is never anywhere but here, inside of me/inside of beautiful you.
Imagine the release and relief that could come if we could truly let go of thinking we know what's best and opened, really OPENED, to all of it - if we could meet each moment directly, just as it is, rather than chasing the same old thoughts around, rather than trying to control the uncontrollable. This very moment can be our perfect teacher when we stop kicking/resisting/running and, instead, open fully, absolutely to it -
of this I am sure...
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While we're on the subject of releasing/surrendering - I want to let you know that this month's theme in the beautiful Sprout magazine, happens to be SURRENDER. My poem, "Live Like You Mean It," is part of this gorgeous issue, along with my answers to Amanda's "Community Garden" questions about how surrender plays a roll in my life...