I wrote the below words last week when I was in the midst of some pretty deep sadness. Though, in this moment, much of that particular kind of sadness has lifted - I know this depth of feeling is something we all experience. So, in the spirit of wanting to share the whole of it, here's where I've been lately. I hope that, in reading this, you feel less alone in whatever it is that you walk through.
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I'm going through something right now that I don't understand. This something goes beyond the everyday challenges and hardness and loss and sadness that is (as much as joy and beauty and peace and love) part of this life we live.
Truth: I don't know what the next step is but I'm doing my best to stay open, moment by moment - to listen deeply.
Truth: Sometimes I feel full of love and clarity and purpose and sometimes my heart fills split open with sadness or grief or confusion. Often, in a single day - a single moment, even - I swing back and forth and back again with this full range of it all.
Truth: I'm seeing more deeply that there is room for it ALL...that all of it is part of what it means to be a divine spirit living in a human body, in a messy, imperfect, beautiful human world.
Truth: When I let my heart be split open with deep sadness, it opens me up to deep love.
Great, big, all-encompassing, deep, true, L O V E.
Truth: I am not linear. Life is not linear.
Truth: I've been baking bread from scratch lately. Adding yeast to water, letting it sit, watching it rise, touching and rolling and baking - adding butter. Then savoring every warm bite. There is something in this process that is deep and true and necessary for me right now.
Truth: This opening, waking up, is not about trying to get rid of any of it (sadness included). It's not about making myself or any of it wrong. It's about wrapping arms around all of it. Even the hard stuff. Maybe especially the hard stuff.
Thank you for listening.